Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee How to Feel More Understood, Valued and Secure in Your Relationships with Alain de Botton #574
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Sep 2, 2025 
Alain de Botton, an internationally acclaimed philosopher and founder of The School of Life, returns to discuss the complexities of love and relationships. He critiques the myth of the 'perfect partner' and how childhood shapes our adult choices in love. The conversation dives into the dangers of perfectionism, the impact of unprocessed trauma, and the importance of clear communication. De Botton also emphasizes that distance can enhance intimacy, encouraging a more realistic and hopeful view of sustaining relationships.
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Accept Imperfect Partners
- Alain de Botton argues no one is the "right person"; accept human flaws instead.
- Embracing imperfect partners reduces shame and normalises relationship complexity.
Childhood Shapes Who We Love
- Adult attractions often echo childhood attachment patterns and familiarity.
- We sometimes seek what we once experienced, even if it hindered our flourishing.
Treat Communication As A Skill
- Do practice teaching your partner calmly about your needs instead of assuming instant understanding.
- Learn communication as a skill rather than rely on emotion or mind-reading.
