10% Happier with Dan Harris Why Self-Hatred Makes No Sense | Matthew Brensilver
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May 21, 2025 
In this engaging discussion, Matthew Brensilver, a clinical social worker and skilled meditation retreat teacher, dives into the perplexities of self-hatred versus self-love. He challenges traditional views by exploring the illusion of the self and how this connects to ethics. Listeners learn the importance of self-compassion in personal growth and how emotions can lead to deeper understanding. Insights on embracing mortality, reconciling personal enjoyment with altruism, and fostering mindful relationships are also highlighted.
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Spectrum from Self-Hatred to Self-Love
- Self-hatred and grandiosity represent a dense, fixated sense of self that oppresses.
- Self-love reflects a flexible, forgiving self-acceptance closer to the Buddhist concept of not-self.
View Anger with Skepticism
- Approach anger with skepticism to see its delusion and uncovered premises.
- Be rigorously honest about your justifications to transform aversion toward love.
Self-Hatred Can Lead to Compassion
- Deeply rooted habits cause reactive suffering that requires gradual training to weaken.
- Moments of self-hatred offer opportunities for profound self-compassion and softening of the heart.
