17: Narcissism, avoidants and why anxious attachers date unavailable people with LMHC Jessica Baum
May 12, 2023
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LMHC Jessica Baum joins the podcast to discuss narcissism, anxious and avoidant dynamics, and how to date and spot a narcissist. The speakers explore setting boundaries with narcissists, the impact of avoidance and anxious attachment styles on relationships, understanding developmental shame and healing childhood trauma, avoiding responsibility in relationships, neurodivergent dating, the importance of eye contact and being rude, and techniques for managing anxiety in dating.
Understanding the difference between narcissism and avoidance in neurodivergent relationships helps in navigating dynamics and setting boundaries.
Therapy and knowledge of attachment theory are essential in healing attachment issues and promoting personal growth.
Recognizing that both anxious and avoidant individuals are avoiding aspects of themselves allows for compassion, empathy, and personal introspection in relationships.
Deep dives
Understanding Narcissism and Avoidance
The podcast episode delves into the difference between narcissism and avoidance in neurodivergent relationships. The speaker explains that narcissism is often rooted in early developmental wounds, leading to a lack of core sense of self. Narcissists rely on external validation to feel special and manipulate their surroundings to avoid dealing with their inner world. On the other hand, avoidance often stems from a fear of intimacy, causing individuals to shut down and distance themselves emotionally. While both behaviors have their own impacts on relationships, the importance lies in understanding the underlying wounds and developing boundaries to navigate these dynamics.
Healing from Codependency and Attachment Wounds
The podcast introduces Jessica Baum, a licensed mental health counselor specializing in trauma and attachment theories. Jessica shares her personal experience with codependency and how it inspired her to study and help others heal. She emphasizes the importance of offering both personal insights and professional knowledge in her book 'Anxiously Attached' to provide answers and pathways to healing for readers struggling with attachment issues. Jessica highlights the significance of therapy in addressing past wounds and identifies the average person's need for attachment theory knowledge.
The Misuse of the Term Narcissism
The podcast addresses the incorrect and often misused label of 'narcissist' in relationships. The speaker clarifies that not all self-centered or attention-seeking behaviors indicate narcissism. It is important to distinguish between narcissistic individuals who lack core sense of self and avoidant individuals who protect themselves by shutting down and focusing on themselves. The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding these distinctions and avoiding generalizations or misdiagnoses.
Understanding Insecurities and Differences in Relationships
The podcast explores the concept of avoidance and anxiety in relationships. It highlights that both anxious and avoidant individuals are essentially avoiding aspects of themselves, either due to fear of abandonment or fear of intimacy. The speaker explains that understanding these insecurities can lead to compassion and empathy towards oneself and the partner. It also emphasizes the need for personal growth and introspection to navigate these dynamics effectively.
The Healing Journey and Regulating Anxiety
The podcast discusses the ongoing nature of the healing journey and the importance of self-regulation in relationships. It suggests various techniques for managing anxiety, such as breathing exercises, co-regulation with trusted friends or therapists, grounding techniques, and acknowledging that healing takes time. It also encourages letting go of control, surrendering, and trusting the process in order to experience personal growth and more fulfilling relationships.
On this weeks episode Sabrina is joined by Jessica Baum LMHC to go over narcissism, anxious and avoidant dynamics, how to date and spot a narcissist and so much more!
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Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formally known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity.
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