Sheila Heen, a Harvard Law School lecturer and co-author of the bestselling books on difficult conversations, shares her insights on navigating tough talks. She emphasizes the importance of self-reflection to tackle our internal narratives before engaging others. Heen introduces the 'ACE' framework for providing feedback and suggests transforming confrontations into understanding opportunities. She also discusses recognizing emotions and personal triggers, promoting clearer communication even in high-stakes situations that foster trust and collaboration.
30:05
forum Ask episode
web_stories AI Snips
view_agenda Chapters
menu_book Books
auto_awesome Transcript
info_circle Episode notes
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Reframe Anxiety and Purpose
Overcome anxiety by recognizing the potential costs of avoiding difficult conversations.
Shift your purpose from convincing to understanding to reduce defensiveness and improve dialogue.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Manage Emotions by Naming Them
Acknowledge and name your emotions aloud to manage them effectively during tough conversations.
Address feelings openly rather than suppressing them to avoid emotional outbursts.
insights INSIGHT
Challenge Your Own Story
Recognize your own story in conflicts involves assumptions about rightness, blame, and others' intentions.
Shifting perspective to curiosity about differing views invites a more productive conversation.
Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode
This book provides a step-by-step approach to having tough conversations with less stress and more success. It covers how to decipher the underlying structure of difficult conversations, raise tough issues without triggering defensiveness, manage strong emotions, and keep balance regardless of the other person's response. The book is filled with examples from everyday life and addresses issues such as race, culture, gender, power, and communication via technology. It is designed to help readers improve oral communication in personal, professional, and public life.
How to have the conversations that are most difficult — and most important.
Before you can have hard conversations with others, you need to have an honest conversation with yourself. That's the counterintuitive advice from Sheila Heen, who says our own internal narratives often derail our attempts at negotiation and conflict resolution.
"The first negotiation is actually a negotiation I have with myself about my own story," explains Heen, a Harvard Law School lecturer and co-author of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. When entering challenging interactions, she recommends a powerful shift where we consider that our perspective is only one side of the story. "If I can shift my purpose from convincing you of something to just understanding how you see it and why we might see it differently, that actually is more likely to generate a good conversation with less defensiveness for both of us."
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Heen joins Matt Abrahams to explore effective communication in high-stakes situations. From giving and receiving feedback with her “ACE” framework (Appreciation, Coaching, and Evaluation) to recognizing the "degrees of difficulty" in disagreements, she offers practical strategies for having productive conversations even when emotions run high.
***** This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.
Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques 
