The Dissenter

#1176 Justin Lehmiller: The Science of Desire, and The Most Common Sexual Fantasies

Nov 14, 2025
Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of *Tell Me What You Want*, dives into the science of sexual fantasies. He explains what constitutes a sexual fantasy and how paraphilias differ from them. Lehmiller reveals seven core fantasy themes, explores their origins, and shares insights on how societal and cultural factors shape our desires. He discusses the differences in fantasies across genders and the importance of consent. Listeners will find out why sharing fantasies can enhance intimacy, and the complexities involved in acting on them.
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INSIGHT

Definition Of Sexual Fantasy

  • A sexual fantasy is a waking mental image or thought that turns you on, distinct from sexual dreams.
  • Justin Lehmiller frames fantasies as conscious erotic imagery that can differ from dream content.
INSIGHT

Fantasies: From Pathology To Normalcy

  • Historically, clinicians framed fantasies as signs of sexual dysfunction, but modern research treats them as often healthy.
  • Lehmiller notes fantasizing correlates with fewer sexual problems and greater satisfaction, though exceptions exist.
INSIGHT

Reframing Paraphilias

  • Paraphilia simply denotes an uncommon sexual interest; DSM now separates paraphilia from paraphilic disorder.
  • Lehmiller emphasizes consent and distress as key factors distinguishing healthy from disordered interests.
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