Episode 309: Understanding Birth Order with David Thomas and Sissy Goff

6 snips

Sep 18, 2025

Dive into the fascinating dynamics of birth order! Discover how oldest children often grapple with perfectionism and identity pressure, while middle children excel in negotiation but crave individual attention. Youngest kids bring charm but need clear boundaries to thrive. Only children stand out with leadership qualities yet may face isolation. Explore these unique traits and valuable insights that can help shape parenting strategies for each birth order!

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Firstborns Carry Extra Emotional Weight

Firstborns often carry extra emotional responsibility and mature faster in response to prenatal and early-family dynamics.
That responsibility can create a lifelong tendency toward control and perfectionism.

ADVICE

Teach Flexibility, Not Perfection

Reinforce flexibility by naming the coping pattern (e.g., the "control monster") and reward moments of letting go.
Give brave-bead style praise for small risks and model failure openly to reduce perfectionism.

INSIGHT

Achievement And Vulnerability Linked In Firstborns

Firstborn boys and girls share traits: achieving, conscientious, structured, and controlling tendencies.
High achievement often pairs with vulnerability to anxiety, depression, and identity tied to performance.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

We’re jumping back in with another episode in our Parenting Personalities series, and we are excited about this episode! This episode is on Birth Order, and can I tell you something fun that I love to do. When kids come for their very first visit at Daystar, we call it an assessment. We take kids on a tour around the Daystar house, they get to meet the dogs, we get them a snack, and we sit down to talk. We meet with their parents at a later point. During my time with just the kid, I love to not look at the paperwork, which would inform where they would fall in birth order and try and make a guess.

I don’t want to brag on myself, but I’m going to say that I have a pretty high percentage. I have a strong batting average in that space. I think it’s the reality of us having done this work for a lot of decades. Knowing so many of the things we’re about to talk about with birth order and seeing little lumps as watching where kids may drop some crumbs, that’s really fun to do.

Listen in as we will share two primary things about oldest daughters and oldest sons, children who fall in the middle, and the youngest kids in birth order and all of their coping strategies.