Ask Daily Stoic: Ryan and Jessica Lahey Talk Parenting, the Process of Writing, and How to Fail Gracefully

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Jun 27, 2020

Jessica Lahey, a New York Times bestselling author and experienced educator, delves into the art of parenting in this engaging discussion. She emphasizes the importance of allowing children to experience failure as a crucial part of their growth. The conversation also navigates the delicate balance between protecting children and letting them face challenges independently. Lahey shares insights on writing impactful books and practical parenting, drawing from her experiences in education and writing, including her forthcoming work on substance abuse prevention.

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ADVICE

Responding to Failure

Focus on how children react to mistakes, not preventing them.
Cultivate their ability to perceive and learn from failures.

INSIGHT

Challenging Kids

Challenge kids to stretch themselves, especially adolescents.
Their plastic brains benefit from new connections and expanded potential.

ANECDOTE

Jessica's Book Journey

Jessica Lahey's first book, "The Gift of Failure," was initially deemed unpublishable.
She persevered, learned from the experience, and significantly improved her writing.

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Enough as she is

How to Help Girls Move Beyond Impossible Standards of Success to Live Healthy, Happy, and Fulfilling Lives

Rachel Simmons

In 'Enough As She Is', Rachel Simmons addresses the damaging effects of pushing girls to achieve at any cost, amplified by social media. The book highlights the pressure on girls to meet unrealistic expectations, including academic and body-shape standards. Simmons advocates for teaching girls self-compassion, managing overthinking, taking healthy risks, and prioritizing self-care. She draws from her own experiences and two decades of research to provide practical advice for helping girls navigate these challenges and build resilience in the face of failure[1][4][5].

Homesick and Happy: How Time Away From Parents Can Help a Child Grow

How Time Away From Parents Can Help a Child Grow

Michael Thompson

Michael Thompson's "Homesick and Happy" explores the transformative power of time away from parents for children's development. Thompson argues that summer camp provides a unique environment where children can develop independence, resilience, and problem-solving skills. The book examines the various ways camp challenges children, pushing them beyond their comfort zones and fostering self-reliance. Thompson highlights the importance of allowing children to experience challenges and learn from their mistakes, emphasizing the role of camp in building character and fostering emotional growth. Ultimately, the book advocates for a parenting approach that encourages children to embrace challenges and develop their own capabilities.

The Addiction Inoculation

None

Jess Lahey

Jess Lahey's "The Addiction Inoculation" offers a comprehensive guide for parents and educators on preventing substance abuse in children. Drawing on personal experiences and extensive research, Lahey provides practical strategies and insights. The book blends memoir with scientific evidence, making complex information accessible and engaging. It explores the factors contributing to addiction, highlighting both controllable and uncontrollable elements. Ultimately, it empowers readers with tools to support young people's well-being and resilience.

Mindset

The New Psychology of Success

Carol S. Dweck

In this book, Carol S. Dweck introduces the concept of two mindsets: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe their abilities are static, while those with a growth mindset believe their abilities can be developed through effort and learning. Dweck shows how these mindsets influence success in school, work, sports, and personal relationships. She also discusses how to adopt a deeper, truer growth mindset, and how this can transform individual and organizational cultures. The book emphasizes the importance of perseverance, learning from failures, and embracing challenges as key components of the growth mindset[1][2][5].

The gift of failure

How the Best Parents Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

Jessica Lahey

In 'The Gift of Failure,' Jessica Lahey argues that modern parenting's overprotectiveness can hinder children's development by denying them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Lahey, drawing from her own parenting experience and years as an educator, provides practical advice on how parents can step back and allow their children to face failures and learn from them. The book covers topics such as handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports, emphasizing the importance of autonomy-supportive parenting over controlling parenting. Lahey's approach is grounded in scientific research and personal anecdotes, offering a balanced and wise guide for parents, educators, and psychologists[1][3][5].

Adapt

Why Success Always Starts with Failure

Tim Harford

In 'Adapt', Tim Harford argues that success in solving complex problems, such as climate change, poverty, and financial crises, comes from adaptive trial and error rather than top-down planning. Drawing from psychology, evolutionary biology, anthropology, physics, and economics, Harford shows how improvisation, working from the bottom up, and taking small steps can lead to innovation and success. The book highlights the importance of feedback, learning from mistakes, and the need for organizations and individuals to embrace a culture of experimentation and adaptation.