Stoicism: Philosophy as a Way of Life Podcast The Rescuer Trap: Values Chameleons
Oct 15, 2025
In this engaging discussion, Kasey Pierce, co-author and psychotherapist, and Dr. Scott Waltman, clinical psychologist, dissect the concept of being a 'values chameleon.' They explore how people often confuse preferences with true values and the pitfalls of sacrificing one’s values in relationships. Using Stoic principles, they offer insights on recognizing codependent behaviors, the futility of seeking validation, and the importance of reclaiming autonomy. Tune in for practical strategies to break free from the rescuer trap and embrace authentic connections.
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Values Chameleons Are Survival Behavior
- People become 'values chameleons' to survive relationships by adopting partners' priorities.
- This mimicry functions like evolutionary camouflage driven by fear, not deep values.
Preferences Masquerade As Values
- Abandoning strong stances (e.g., circumcision) reveals you never held a deep value but a preference or fear.
- Clarify whether your stance is about autonomy or merely avoiding conflict.
Test Values By Long-Term Commitment
- Test whether something is a true value by asking whether it guides long-term life choices rather than short-term comfort.
- Avoid defining values as mere absence of pain or transient preferences.
