Brené with Dr. Susan David on the Dangers of Toxic Positivity, Part 1 of 2
Mar 1, 2021
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In this engaging discussion, Dr. Susan David, an award-winning psychologist and the author of "Emotional Agility," dives into the complex world of feelings. She tackles the perils of toxic positivity, urging listeners to embrace a full spectrum of emotions for genuine well-being. Topics include how childhood experiences shape our emotional responses, the significance of emotional granularity, and the importance of authentic emotional expression, especially in parenting. David emphasizes that acknowledging our true feelings is essential for personal growth and resilience.
The episode critiques toxic positivity, illustrating how it leads to the suppression of difficult emotions and hinders resilience.
Emotional agility is highlighted as the essential skill to navigate emotions effectively, using them as indicators for personal needs and values.
Compassion towards oneself during challenging emotional experiences is emphasized as crucial for fostering resilience and empowerment amidst adversity.
Deep dives
The Fallacy of Toxic Positivity
The episode critiques the prevalent culture of toxic positivity, which promotes the idea that one should always maintain a positive outlook regardless of circumstances. This mindset often leads individuals to suppress difficult emotions, creating a façade of happiness instead of acknowledging their true feelings. By labeling negative emotions as 'bad' and pushing them aside, people risk becoming less resilient and more fragile, as these unresolved emotions can manifest in unhealthy ways. The discussion emphasizes the importance of recognizing and experiencing all emotions, which are seen as integral to being human, rather than disregarding those that are uncomfortable.
Understanding Emotional Agility
Emotional agility is defined as the ability to navigate one’s emotions effectively, using them as valuable indicators of needs and values. It encompasses the recognition that thoughts and feelings are normal aspects of the human experience that should not be ignored or suppressed. The concept promotes cultivating curiosity about one’s emotional responses and understanding their signals, suggesting that this awareness enables better coping strategies. By reframing how individuals respond to their emotions, emotional agility can lead to healthier relationships and improved decision-making in various aspects of life.
The Power of Emotional Granularity
Emotional granularity refers to the skill of identifying specific emotions rather than relying on broad labels like 'stressed' or 'overwhelmed.' This nuanced understanding allows individuals to articulate their feelings more accurately and respond to them more effectively. By defining emotions with greater precision, a person can better understand what actions they need to take and what support they might require. For instance, recognizing the difference between feeling 'stressed' and 'disappointed' enables a more focused approach to address the underlying causes of those feelings, enhancing emotional well-being.
The Role of Compassion in Emotional Health
Compassion emerges as a vital component in navigating emotional experiences, both towards oneself and others. Recognizing that difficult feelings are a part of life, self-compassion encourages individuals to be kind to themselves during challenging times. This approach fosters a secure base from which people can explore and take risks, reinforcing the idea that self-kindness is not a sign of weakness but rather empowerment. The discussion highlights how understanding and implementing compassion can mitigate the risks of emotional exhaustion and promote resilience.
Signposting Through Emotions
Emotions serve as signposts, guiding individuals towards their needs and values rather than dictating their actions. The podcast emphasizes that recognizing emotions—such as anger, fear, or sadness—can provide insight into personal values and motivate meaningful change. For example, feeling anger in response to social injustice may highlight a deep commitment to equity and fairness. Instead of being directed by emotions, individuals are encouraged to leverage them as informative signals that can enhance self-awareness and alignment with their values.
I’m talking to Dr. Susan David, author of the bestselling book Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life. This is a full-on emotion-researcher geek-out on how emotional granularity and agility benefit us as individuals and as leaders. It’s such a good conversation that we made it into two episodes, and this is Part 1.