David Kessler on Finding Meaning in Grief and Practicing the Art of Memento Mori
Oct 5, 2024
auto_awesome
David Kessler, a grief and loss expert and co-author of works with Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, shares his profound insights on embracing mortality. He emphasizes how acknowledging death can enhance our appreciation for life and how grief can ultimately lead to finding meaning. Kessler reveals his personal journey through loss after the death of his son and the transformative power of grief, urging listeners to embrace both joy and sorrow. With wisdom rooted in Stoic philosophy, he encourages living with intention and cherishing meaningful connections.
David Kessler emphasizes that embracing death through memento mori can lead to a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
The introduction of a sixth stage of grief, meaning, highlights the importance of finding purpose within personal loss and sorrow.
Humor plays a significant role in navigating grief, allowing individuals to experience joy alongside their sadness and forge deeper connections.
Deep dives
The Impact of Grief on the Human Experience
Grief is a universal emotion that can alter one's perspective on life. The podcast emphasizes that everyone experiences loss, yet how it is processed can vary greatly. Renowned grief expert David Kessler shares that despite his extensive experience helping others navigate grief, losing his own son transformed his understanding of sorrow. He highlights that true grief doesn't conform to a timeline; instead, it evolves and often intertwines with love.
Understanding the Stages of Grief
Kessler discusses the six stages of grief, which he developed alongside Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, originally known for her five stages. He emphasizes that while individuals may anticipate acceptance as the final stage, grief can be cyclical rather than linear. This idea reinforces the notion that grieving is a deeply personal journey that differs for everyone. Importantly, he introduces 'meaning' as a critical stage, suggesting that individuals can find purpose in their loss.
Philosophical Insights on Mortality
The podcast delves into Stoic philosophy, particularly focusing on the concept of memento mori, or the remembrance of death. This practice encourages individuals to reflect on their mortality regularly, prompting a deeper appreciation for life itself. Kessler argues that encountering death, whether through philosophical study or personal loss, can lead to a more fulfilling existence. The wisdom from Stoics shows that rather than fearing death, acknowledging it can inspire us to live more fully every day.
Humor and Resilience in Grief
Kessler highlights the unexpected role humor plays in navigating grief. Sharing his experiences, he expresses that laughter can coexist with sorrow, offering comfort during profound pain. He finds that those who endure loss often develop a more expansive capacity for both joy and sadness. This duality reflects the complexity of human emotions, suggesting that through laughter, individuals can forge connections even amid grief.
Living in the Present Amidst Fear of Loss
The conversation stresses the importance of being present in the moment, especially for parents who may dread losing their children. Kessler encourages embracing the idea that while loss is inevitable, it shouldn't prevent one from fully engaging in daily life. This philosophy advocates for a balance between acknowledging potential loss and cherishing every moment spent with loved ones. Ultimately, he concludes that a focus on living fully enriches our experiences and mitigates the fear associated with loss.
In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” Death is inevitable for all of us and practicing the art of Memento Mori reminds us to live each day to the fullest and with virtue.
David Kessler, a grief and loss expert, joins Ryan today to talk about why a meaningful life comes from embracing rather than fearing death, how grief can shape our understanding and appreciation of life, the balance between grief and joy, and how losing his son changed everything he thought he knew about grief.
David’s personal experience with grief started very young, as a child witnessing a mass shooting while his mother was dying in a hospital. For most of his life, David has taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about the end of life, trauma, and grief. Even after years of studying grief and counseling those experiencing it, his life was turned upside down by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son.
David co-authored two books with Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, including On Grief and Grieving, and after experiencing the death of his son, he updated her 5 stages of grief with a 6th stage: meaning.
🪙 Designed with the intention of carrying them in your pocket, our Memento Mori Medallion is a literal and inescapable reminder that “you could leave life right now.”