Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen How to Let Go of the Desire to See People Punished (James Kimmel, Jr.)
Nov 20, 2025
James Kimmel, Jr., PhD, an assistant professor at Yale and author of The Science of Revenge, dives into the psychology of revenge as an addiction. He discusses how pursuing revenge activates the brain's reward pathways, leading to a temporary high followed by deeper emotional pain. Kimmel connects grievances to violent behavior, exploring the role of forgiveness and a 'non-justice system' for managing these feelings. He also emphasizes the importance of teaching youth to handle grievances to prevent radicalization, making vital connections to political polarization and personal relationships.
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Revenge Mirrors Addiction
- James Kimmel Jr. noticed revenge activates the same brain reward circuitry as addiction, giving craving and motivation despite negative consequences.
- Neuroscience links revenge-seeking to the dorsal striatum and nucleus accumbens, explaining compulsive retaliation cycles.
Revenge Gives Short High, Longer Pain
- Revenge temporarily coats personal pain with a dopamine hit but the relief is short-lived and pain returns amplified.
- You cannot recover lost happiness by hurting others; you must recreate happiness internally.
Most Want Revenge; Few Become Addicted
- Roughly 90–100% of people report revenge desires, but only about 20% act on them, paralleling addiction prevalence patterns.
- A minority lack the stop-function needed to prevent revenge from ruining lives and relationships.
