Liz Neal, a couples therapist known for her expertise in relationship dynamics, shares invaluable insights on conducting relationship check-ins. She discusses overcoming the awkwardness often felt during these conversations and emphasizes the need for regular communication to foster connection. Explore effective methods to express feelings compassionately, including the 'shit sandwich' technique. Liz also highlights the importance of understanding differing comfort levels and the mental load of initiating these crucial discussions, ensuring relationships remain healthy and aligned.
Regular relationship check-ins encourage effective communication by allowing couples to express feelings and discuss both personal concerns and mutual goals.
Creating a supportive environment for check-ins, utilizing positive affirmations, and choosing appropriate timing can enhance the quality of these crucial conversations.
Deep dives
Defining Relationship Check-Ins
Relationship check-ins serve as a crucial opportunity for couples to communicate effectively about their feelings and the state of their relationship. These discussions can encompass various topics, including individual concerns, shared goals, or simply checking in on each other's well-being. For instance, couples may use check-ins to discuss their future plans, such as cohabitation or family aspirations, while others might focus on daily check-ins to prioritize their emotional connection. The purpose and structure of each check-in should be defined by the couple to ensure both partners are engaged and clear on the intent, which can prevent misunderstandings and promote growth.
Navigating Difficult Conversations
Initiating relationship check-ins can sometimes lead to conflict, especially if partners feel criticized or overwhelmed. Successful conversations should start with positive affirmations about what is going well in the relationship before addressing areas that may need improvement. For example, a partner might express their appreciation for enjoyable shared activities before suggesting they would like more organized date nights. This approach emphasizes the importance of framing issues in a way that highlights feelings and desires, rather than focusing solely on behaviors, which can help maintain a constructive dialogue.
The Importance of Timing and Environment
Creating a comfortable and relaxed environment is essential for effective relationship check-ins, particularly when discussing sensitive topics. Couples can enhance the experience by choosing low-pressure settings, such as during car rides or casual dinners, where they feel safe to express themselves. It is also beneficial to consider the timing of these discussions; for example, discussing feelings after a stressful day might not yield the best results. Establishing a routine or using fun resources, like card games or light conversation prompts, can help couples approach these conversations with warmth and openness without losing the underlying seriousness.
The Role of Commitment in Relationship Check-Ins
Regular check-ins can significantly impact relationship longevity by fostering communication and addressing any potential issues before they escalate. For some couples, these discussions become a natural part of their routine, helping them stay attuned to each other's needs and desires. However, if one partner consistently avoids these conversations, it may highlight deeper incompatibilities that could lead to a relationship's end. Ultimately, the check-in process allows partners to confirm their commitment to one another and assess their alignment on important aspects of life together.
Do you struggle with "checking in" with your partner? Maybe you've tried to initiate the convo and they give you nothing back?
We chat to couples therapist Liz Neal to find out how to take the pressure off and navigate those vulnerable conversations - and how to start making check ins a regular thing in your relationship.
DM us your thoughts, questions, topics, or to just vent at @triplejthehookup on IG or email us: thehookup@abc.net.au
The Hook Up is an ABC podcast, produced by triple j. It is recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders past and present. We acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the First Australians and Traditional Custodians of the land where we live, work, and learn.
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