Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

228. Negotiate Your Way to Success: Empathy, Mirroring, and Labeling

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Sep 9, 2025

Chris Voss, a former lead FBI hostage negotiator and CEO of The Black Swan Group, shares his expert insights on communication under pressure. He delves into the transformative power of empathy and emotional intelligence in negotiation. Voss introduces practical techniques like labeling and mirroring, emphasizing the significance of tone and timing. He explains how silence can be strategically impactful and warns against the risks of overthinking. This session reveals how high-stakes negotiation skills can enhance everyday communication.

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ANECDOTE

Hotline Training Shaped His Skills

Chris Voss learned core negotiation skills volunteering on a suicide hotline before FBI training.
He practiced reflective listening there and then applied it across his FBI work and life.

INSIGHT

Emotional Intelligence Is A Force Multiplier

Emotional intelligence accelerates outcomes and is central to effective negotiation.
Voss says empathy can move you toward outcomes about 14 times faster.

ADVICE

Practice In Low-Stakes Settings

Practice negotiation skills in low-stakes settings and get live feedback to improve.
Break skills into small pieces and rehearse them regularly so they stay sharp.

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Be ready, stay grounded, and communicate clearly — no matter what’s at stake.

Communicating under pressure isn’t just a useful skill — it can be the difference between escalation and resolution. For Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and CEO of The Black Swan Group, it’s a daily discipline built on empathy, self-regulation, and intentional listening. In this expanded conversation from our Spontaneous Speaking miniseries, Voss offers a rare window into the mindset and methods that helped him show up calm, focused, and adaptable when the pressure is sky-high.
“Emotional intelligence is an insane accelerator to outcomes,” Voss shares, explaining how empathy, tone, and timing can shift the direction of any conversation. He breaks down techniques like labeling and mirroring, explores how to use silence and word choice strategically, and explains why overthinking can be just as risky as acting too fast. From gut-level pattern recognition to tactical use of voice, Voss shows how communication becomes more impactful when we’re not trying to control — but to connect.
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Voss and host Matt Abrahams dive into how negotiation techniques developed for life-or-death situations can be applied far beyond them — offering powerful takeaways for anyone who needs to think clearly under pressure, stay agile in the moment, and communicate effectively when it matters most.

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Chapters:

(00:00) - Introduction
(02:39) - Path to Hostage Negotiation
(03:31) - Power of Emotional Intelligence
(04:49) - Staying Calm Under Pressure
(05:59) - Mental Prep & Mindset
(07:07) - Trusting Your Gut
(07:47) - Avoiding Overthinking
(08:50) - Flexibility in Negotiations
(10:04) - Listen More, Talk Less
(10:20) - Labeling & Mirroring
(12:40) - Tone Shapes Impact
(13:55) - The Final Three Questions
(19:26) - Conclusion

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