In this engaging discussion, Mary Ellen Owen, a Counselor and Instructor at the Allender Center, shares her heartfelt journey through grief. She emphasizes that grief cannot be planned and highlights the necessity of moving from intellect to emotion in the healing process. Mary Ellen explores the intricate link between love and grief, revealing how loss can deepen our appreciation for life. Listeners will find insights on the power of vulnerability, the significance of community support, and the beauty that can emerge from sorrow.
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insights INSIGHT
Grief as a Weighty Doorway
Grief offers a weighty, sustaining doorway to deep emotional experience.
Leaning into grief, including ambiguous grief, can be a meaningful practice for life.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Grief Needs Embodied Practices
Grief must be engaged bodily, not just as a theological or head exercise.
Developing embodied practices releases you to a lightness beyond grief.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Grief Waves in Everyday Moments
Mary Ellen experienced intense grief waves in mundane places like the grocery store.
She practiced welcoming grief waves by staying in a meaningful room and journaling with movement.
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In this book, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma reshapes both the body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores various treatments, including neurofeedback, meditation, sports, drama, and yoga, which activate the brain’s natural neuroplasticity to aid in recovery. The book emphasizes the power of relationships in both causing and healing trauma and offers hope through descriptions of novel approaches to treatment. It is based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists in the field[1][2][5].
A Severe Mercy
C.S. Lewis
A Severe Mercy is a deeply moving memoir that tells the story of Sheldon Vanauken and his wife Jean 'Davy' Davis. The book recounts their intense and romantic love, their conversion to Christianity influenced by their friendship with C.S. Lewis, and the profound spiritual struggles Vanauken faced after Davy's untimely death. The memoir delves into themes of love, faith, grief, and the concept of 'severe mercy' as coined by C.S. Lewis, who played a significant role in their spiritual journeys. Through letters, poems, and personal reflections, Vanauken explores the complexities of human love and divine mercy[2][3][5].
Bittersweet
Danielle Steel
Bittersweet is the story of India Taylor, a stay-at-home mom who has dedicated her life to her family. However, when she meets Paul Ward, a Wall Street tycoon, she begins to question the sacrifices she has made and the life she has chosen. With Paul's encouragement, India starts to rediscover her creativity and courage, leading her to make heart-wrenching decisions that change her life forever. The novel explores themes of freedom, dreams, and the complexities of relationships[1][3][5].
“You can’t plan grief. You can’t plan when or how or what will occur,” says Dr. Dan Allender, “But there is something that has to be a decision perhaps made well before. Will I go into these waters or will I remain on the side?” In today’s podcast conversation, Dan and Rachael welcome Mary Ellen Owen, Counselor in Colorado Springs and Instructor and Facilitator at the Allender Center. They take a look at the process of moving through grief and moving from our heads to our hearts and bodies.
Mary Ellen shares, “If you’re just a theological head exercise, you won’t move through grief. And there is another side… there is a lightness that comes. But… only if you do this in an embodied way.” Listen as she vulnerably shares some of her personal stories about her practices of grief.
The Allender Center Podcast 
