The Allender Center Podcast

What if the secret to more connected parenting isn’t about getting everything right — but about showing up enough to make things right when you don’t? In this week’s episode, Rachael Clinton Chen talks with Eli Harwood, aka @attachmentnerd — licensed therapist, award-winning author, and one of Instagram’s most trusted voices on attachment and parenting. They dive into how our own attachment stories shape the way we relate to our kids, why being “good enough” really is enough, and how creating space for repair and consistency beats striving for perfection every time. With a blend of science, personal stories, and down-to-earth advice, Eli reminds us that secure attachment isn’t about flawless parenting — it’s about presence, patience, and showing up again and again. Whether you’re navigating the younger years, parenting teens, or unpacking your own childhood experiences, this conversation offers hope, grounding, and a fresh perspective. Visit her at AttachmentNerd.com where you can listen into her podcast, join the Nerd Herd, or even book an attachment coach. You can also follow her on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook @attachmentnerd. And don’t forget to check out her books: Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns into Loving, Lasting Romantic Relationships and Raising Securely Attached Kids: Using Connection-Focused Parenting to Create Confidence, Empathy & Resilience.

Dr. Jamie Eaddy, a thanatologist and founder of The Ratchet Grief Project®, dives into the complexities of grief, particularly within marginalized communities. She challenges death-dealing theologies that shame individuals for their pain. Jamie emphasizes that grief should be a communal, not a solitary, experience and critiques societal pressures that hinder authentic emotional expression. Wendell Moss supports the conversation on the importance of community in grief, advocating for shared vulnerability and connection as pathways to healing and resilience.

The discussion centers on the often-neglected practice of reflection during Sabbath. It highlights the dichotomy of savoring joy while grappling with longing and brokenness. Personal stories reveal how recognizing God’s redemptive work can enrich our narratives. The hosts emphasize the importance of navigating grief while celebrating those who inspire us. With humor, they explore how embracing life's moments can enhance personal growth. Finally, there's a heartfelt call to engage with healing work, inviting listeners to contribute to a greater mission.

The discussion navigates the delicate balance between dreaming and facing disappointment. Emphasis is placed on the importance of joy amid life's unpredictability and the power of play as a response to hardship. Personal stories highlight moments of mourning interspersed with genuine connection and delight. The concept of 'defiant joy' emerges, encouraging listeners to find happiness even in challenging times. Ultimately, it's a call to embrace redemptive play and hope, fostering deeper connections and healing.

Explore the transformative concept of Sabbath as more than just a day, but a mindset that influences daily life. Delve into the art of anticipating joy and rest amidst a busy summer, navigating family dynamics and the chaos of planning. The conversation encourages embracing small pleasures and creating lasting memories with loved ones. Learn to shift from a to-do list mentality to one of delight and hope, allowing Sabbath rhythms to shape unique experiences that foster connection and gratitude.

Explore the manipulative tactic of DARVO—Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender—widely prevalent in abusive relationships and power struggles. The hosts discuss the emotional turmoil faced by victims and the societal implications of these dynamics. They reflect on loyalty's complexities in church and politics, unveiling how silence can shield wrongdoing. Additionally, practical strategies like ‘Gray Rocking’ help people navigate boundaries with narcissists. Together, they emphasize the importance of community support and truth-telling as acts of resistance against oppression.

Petra Malekzadeh, the Facilitation Development Manager at the Allender Center and expert in Narrative Focused Trauma Care, shares her insights on fostering transformation in faith communities. She discusses the vital role of storytelling in spiritual formation and the challenges of integrating personal narratives into church life. Petra emphasizes the need for leadership alignment, the power of vulnerability, and how authentic engagement can deepen discipleship. This conversation invites listeners to envision a church where storytelling is central to growth and connection.

Join John Kasich, the former governor of Ohio and author of 'Heaven Help Us', as he shares heartfelt stories from his life, including the transformative impact of losing his parents. He discusses the remarkable work done by faith communities to inspire hope and build stronger neighborhoods. John reflects on authenticity in belief, the power of personal relationships, and the importance of collective efforts across diverse groups. With a focus on unity and healing, his insights encourage us all to harness our faith for tangible change.

John Eldredge, a psychologist and New York Times Bestselling Author, discusses the challenges of experiencing God in today’s fast-paced world. He invites listeners to embrace their inner mystic, exploring what it means to cultivate a personal relationship with God despite modern distractions. Eldredge emphasizes the healing power of Jesus' presence, especially in dealing with trauma, and encourages everyone—not just the spiritually elite—to seek a deeper, experiential faith rooted in wonder and communion.

Have you ever felt unseen in a place where you were supposed to be known? Or like the more you tried to bring your true self forward, the more you were asked to hide it? Today on the podcast, author Aimee Byrd joins Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen to talk about her new book, Saving Face: Finding My Self, God, and One Another Outside a Defaced Church.  It’s a deeply personal and theological reflection on spiritual abuse, identity, and healing—especially in the wake of church systems that no longer reflect the face of Christ. Together, they explore what it means to reclaim your face—your personhood, your story, your sacred calling. Aimee draws on the rich insight of philosopher Emmanuel Levinas, who wrote that the face is not merely a physical feature, but the place where we encounter both God and one another. To truly see another’s face is to take responsibility for their dignity and to recognize Christ’s presence there. Aimee shares her story of how a system that promised reform instead left her mocked, erased, and dehumanized. In that disillusionment, she came to a painful but powerful realization: we don’t just need reform. We need resurrection. A death to false forms of power, toxic moralism, and spiritual posturing—and a return to humility, presence, and love. This conversation offers an honest look at the loneliness of holding onto your God-given identity when others turn away, the courage it takes to seek the face of God in others, and the deep hope that emerges when we begin to see—and be seen—face to face. Listen to this week’s episode about “Saving Face” with Aimee Byrd, and be sure to pick up a copy of her book at: https://aimeebyrd.com/saving-face/