#469: How FBI Negotiation Strategies Can Transform Your Relationships - Chris Voss

Aug 11, 2025

In this engaging chat, Chris Voss, a former lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI and bestselling author, shares transformative insights on communication. He discusses tactical empathy and how self-talk shapes relationships. Chris reveals why compromise can undermine intimacy and emphasizes the importance of effective listening and mirroring in deepening connections. They also tackle navigating conflicts with curiosity and empathy. This conversation is a treasure trove of skills to enhance emotional intelligence and relational mastery.

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ANECDOTE

Negotiating A Car After Reading The Book

Mark Groves used Chris Voss's techniques while buying a car and crushed the negotiation.
He described feeling like it was magic and wondered if it was trickery.

ANECDOTE

Suicide Hotline Shaped His Negotiation Skill

Chris Voss volunteered on a suicide hotline to qualify for FBI negotiation work.
That experience taught him operational emotional intelligence and early tactical empathy.

INSIGHT

Feeling Understood Releases Bonding Chemicals

When someone genuinely feels understood, Chris says it triggers oxytocin and increases bonding.
That biological response also inclines people to tell the truth and deepen connection.

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In this episode, Mark sits down with legendary FBI hostage negotiator and Never Split the Difference author Chris Voss to unpack the art of communication that can transform every relationship. From tactical empathy to the neuroscience of feeling understood, Chris reveals how the same skills that save lives in crisis can deepen connection, defuse conflict, and build lasting trust in love. They explore why compromise often erodes intimacy, how self-talk shapes our relational patterns, and what it really takes to be heard. This episode is a masterclass in emotional intelligence, communication, and relational mastery—don’t miss it.

Chris Voss, known as “The Master Negotiator,” earned his title as the former lead international kidnapping negotiator and head of crisis negotiation for the FBI’s New York City Division. With decades of high-stakes experience, he helped shape the negotiation tactics still used by the FBI today. After retiring, he taught business negotiation at USC, Georgetown, and Harvard, then founded The Black Swan Group to bring these powerful techniques to the corporate world. His best-selling book, Never Split the Difference, reveals how hostage negotiation principles can transform everyday communication, influence, and deal-making.

Links:

Website: https://www.blackswanltd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thefbinegotiator/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BlackSwanLTD/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@NegotiationMastery
Book: Never Split The Difference: Negotiation As If Your Life Depended On It

This episode is sponsored by:

Cozy Earth: Use code MARK for 40% off sitewide at http://www.cozyearth.com
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