712: The Like Switch: Dr. Jack Schafer

Jul 16, 2018

Dr. Jack Schafer, a former FBI Special Agent and behavioral analyst, shares his expertise in likability and rapport-building. He reveals the 'friendship formula' and highlights three key 'friend signals' to enhance connections. Listeners learn about the power of 'curiosity hooks' to attract like-minded individuals. He emphasizes the importance of empathic statements and the C.A.R.E. acronym in deepening conversations. Jack also discusses how to repair bad first impressions and harness nonverbal cues to build rapport, making everyone feel valued.

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ADVICE

Show Up And Signal Nonthreatening Intent

Use proximity to start relationships by being physically or virtually near someone regularly.
Show friend signals when nearby so people know you're not a threat and will reciprocate.

ADVICE

Use The Eyebrow Flash

Practice an eyebrow flash when you approach to send a quick 'not a threat' signal.
Keep it tiny and natural, and practice in low-stakes settings until it feels right.

ADVICE

Tilt Your Head To Show Trust

Tilt your head slightly when engaging to expose your carotid and signal trust.
Convert from business posture to social head-tilt to appear more approachable.

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Our guest is former FBI Special Agent, author, and professor – Dr. Jack Schafer. In the past, Dr. Schafer has developed spy recruitment techniques, interviewed terrorists, and trained agents in the art of interrogation and persuasion. Today, he shares strategies, techniques, and tools you can employ to get people to like you for a minute or a lifetime.

CHEAT SHEET

What is the friendship formula and how does it increase other people’s ability to like you?
What are three “friend signals” you can practice to project likeability?
What signals can you look for to know whether or not good rapport has been established?
What is a “curiosity hook,” and how can you use it to attract others with common interests?
If the golden rule of friendship is to make people feel good about themselves, how do you go about doing that?
How do you use empathic statements to listen more, talk less, and still gain interest in the conversation?
Why learning the C.A.R.E acronym is important to ensure you are maintaining focus on others – and not yourself.

This episode is full of tools for becoming a more likable person, and it’s important to remember the words of Dr. Schafer when applying them in our daily lives:

“No one tool works for all circumstances, but for all circumstances, there is a tool that works. And it’s the time and circumstance that determine what tool to use.”

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Resources

The Like Switch by Dr. Jack Schafer
Dr. Schafer’s Blog in Psychology Today

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