#247: How to Create a Lasting, Healthy Relationship with Dr. Stan Tatkin

33 snips

Dec 5, 2022

Guest

Stan Tatkin

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Familiarity Drives Pair Bonding

We choose partners by familiarity mixed with novelty, often mirroring family dynamics.
Attachment memories trigger protective behaviors that look hostile to partners.

INSIGHT

Human Nature Adds Relationship Bugs

Human primate tendencies—righteousness, xenophobia, comparison—compound couple problems beyond attachment.
Expecting partners to be other-than-human sets relationships up to fail.

ADVICE

Create Purpose-Centered Agreements

Define your relationship's purpose and make explicit agreements about what must happen and what must never happen.
Use those agreements as governance rather than relying on fluctuating feelings.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Themes: Relationships, Attachment Theory, Conflict, Interdependency Summary: Today I’m honoured to be joined by Stan Tatkin: PsyD, MFT, clinician, author, researcher, co-founder of the PACT Institute and all-around relational ninja. Stan’s ability to help couples navigate the often tricky waters of relationships is truly unparalleled, and in this episode, you’ll understand why. Join us as we discuss attachment theory, the leading causes of breakups and, ultimately, how to co-create a thriving, lasting relationship. Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine. He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and the upcoming, In Each Other’s Care. Discover: Why we choose the partners we do, and why we default to certain behaviors while in a relationship Two main reasons relationships don’t last The non-negotiable habits of couples in strong, healthy relationships The mindset shift couples need to make for their relationship to survive and thrive 00:00 Intro 01:10 Stan’s background 02:57 Why we choose who we choose 10:30 Two main reasons relationships don’t last 18:02 Attachment theory & why we stay 23:24 Interdependency 26:29 Purpose-centered love 34:42 Creating a relationship that survives and thrives 41:32 Relationships are a team sport 48:16 Prioritizing repair 54:10 Avoid working on each other; only the problem Links: Website | thepactinstitute.com Instagram | @drstantatkin Sponsors: Cozy Earth | Use code GROVES for 40% off sitewide at cozyearth.com Create the Love Cards | Use code CTLCARDS15 for 15% off at createthelove.com/cards

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://avocadogreenmattress.com

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands