#381: Why You Should Let Your Kids Fail

12 snips

Feb 20, 2018

Jessica Lahey, a teacher and author of "The Gift of Failure," shares insights on fostering resilience in children through failure. She critiques helicopter parenting and discusses how allowing kids to face setbacks nurtures independence and essential life skills. Lahey offers practical tips on guiding children’s friendships while emphasizing the significance of intrinsic learning motivation over grades. With personal anecdotes, she illustrates how embracing failure can pave the way for greater confidence and long-term success.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Why Letting Your Kids Fail Is the Ultimate Key to Their Success

Jessica Lahey highlights that overprotective, directive parenting—where parents micromanage every step of their child’s life—actually handicaps children by undermining their resilience and capacity to learn. This helicopter style prevents kids from experiencing frustration, which is essential for developing problem-solving skills and emotional maturity.

She explains that when parents step back and allow children to take autonomy, make mistakes, and learn from those failures, kids develop competence and intrinsic motivation, which are crucial for long-term success. Lahey shares that fostering this environment improves not just competence but also strengthens parent-child relationships.

The advice includes starting early with household duties and gradually increasing responsibilities, encouraging kids to set their own goals, and allowing natural consequences to teach valuable lessons. Ultimately, learning to embrace failure and the messy process of growth sets children up to be confident, adaptive, and motivated lifelong learners.

ANECDOTE

Author's Personal Over-Parenting Realization

Jessica Lahey realized she was over-parenting when she noticed her own nine-year-old couldn't tie his shoes.
This led her to see the harm of over-parenting firsthand and inspired her book.

INSIGHT

Why Parenting Became Overprotective

Parenting has become more protective due to cultural shifts like fewer kids and older parents.
Media and technology also fuel anxiety, making parenting feel like an emergency.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

The opposite of spoiled

Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money

Ron Lieber

In 'The Opposite of Spoiled', Ron Lieber provides a detailed blueprint for parents to handle various financial aspects such as the tooth fairy, allowance, chores, charity, saving, and more. The book emphasizes the importance of open conversations about money with children to help them become more patient, prudent, and less materialistic. Lieber shares practical tips, stories, and interviews from families across different income brackets, highlighting the need to encourage children to work, earn money, and develop a healthy relationship with finances. The book also addresses the impact of advertising and consumer culture on children's financial behaviors and suggests ways to instill gratitude and fiscal responsibility from an early age.

The gift of failure

How the Best Parents Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

Jessica Lahey

In 'The Gift of Failure,' Jessica Lahey argues that modern parenting's overprotectiveness can hinder children's development by denying them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Lahey, drawing from her own parenting experience and years as an educator, provides practical advice on how parents can step back and allow their children to face failures and learn from them. The book covers topics such as handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports, emphasizing the importance of autonomy-supportive parenting over controlling parenting. Lahey's approach is grounded in scientific research and personal anecdotes, offering a balanced and wise guide for parents, educators, and psychologists[1][3][5].

Why We Do What We Do

Edward Desi

Edward L. Deci and Richard M. Ryan's "Why We Do What We Do" explores the science of motivation and self-determination theory. The book delves into the intrinsic and extrinsic factors that drive human behavior, emphasizing the importance of autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Deci and Ryan argue that intrinsic motivation, stemming from internal satisfaction, leads to greater well-being and performance than extrinsic motivation, driven by external rewards. They provide practical strategies for fostering intrinsic motivation in various settings, including workplaces and educational environments. The book offers a compelling framework for understanding and enhancing motivation.

Cheating Lessons

Learning from Academic Dishonesty

James M. Lang

Drive

The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

Daniel H. Pink

In 'Drive', Daniel Pink explores the three elements of true motivation—autonomy, mastery, and purpose—arguing that these intrinsic factors are more effective than extrinsic rewards in driving high performance and satisfaction. Drawing on decades of scientific research, Pink offers practical techniques for fostering motivation in personal and professional settings.

Mindset

The New Psychology of Success

Carol S. Dweck

In this book, Carol S. Dweck introduces the concept of two mindsets: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe their abilities are static, while those with a growth mindset believe their abilities can be developed through effort and learning. Dweck shows how these mindsets influence success in school, work, sports, and personal relationships. She also discusses how to adopt a deeper, truer growth mindset, and how this can transform individual and organizational cultures. The book emphasizes the importance of perseverance, learning from failures, and embracing challenges as key components of the growth mindset[1][2][5].