Hello Monday with Jessi Hempel

An FBI Agent's Playbook for Everyday Negotiation

Sep 15, 2025
Chris Voss, former FBI lead hostage negotiator and author of *Never Split the Difference*, reveals that negotiation isn't just for dangerous situations but is a vital part of everyday interactions, from salary discussions to family conversations. He emphasizes the need for empathy and collaboration over control. Voss shares why labeling emotions can build trust and how embracing ‘no’ can be more powerful than ‘yes’. With practical tactics, he offers tools to turn negotiations into win-win situations, fostering better outcomes for all.
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ANECDOTE

Bank Robbery That Taught Empathy Wins

  • In a 1993 Park Slope bank robbery, Chris Voss negotiated so robbers felt they "won" and hostages went home safely.
  • He used empathy to discover their real needs and de-escalate the situation.
INSIGHT

Winning Is Shared Feeling, Not Domination

  • Winning a negotiation means both parties feel better after the conversation ends.
  • Making the other person feel heard and respected increases their flexibility.
ADVICE

Voice Your Gut Readings Aloud

  • Trust your gut about what the other person is thinking and state it aloud instead of attacking it.
  • Saying the feared or denied thought out loud often reveals the truth and lowers defenses.
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