How We Invalidate Our Kids Without Meaning To (And What to Do Instead)
Feb 28, 2023
24:03
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Quick takeaways
Validate children's feelings to prevent inadvertently invalidating them and decrease self-esteem.
Create a safe environment for children to explore decision-making and express their feelings without fear of judgment or making the wrong choice.
Deep dives
Validating children's feelings and experiences
In this episode, the speaker emphasizes the importance of validating children's feelings and experiences. Many parents have a tendency to push back or correct their child's expression of emotions, which can inadvertently invalidate their feelings. By doing so, children can feel like there's something wrong with them for feeling a certain way, leading to a decrease in self-esteem and an increased need for validation from the outside. The speaker encourages parents to accept and validate their child's emotions, allowing them to move through their feelings and develop resilience and self-worth.
Encouraging children to make decisions
Another topic discussed in this episode is the challenge of encouraging children to make decisions. Some children may be hesitant to express their opinions or make choices, fearing that they will make the wrong decision. The speaker suggests that parents should work on managing their expectations and focus on understanding their child's perspective. Instead of trying to fix the perceived problem or pushing their child to make decisions, parents should create a safe and accepting environment where their child feels comfortable exploring their feelings and decision-making process.
Dealing with negative behavior towards others
The episode also addresses the issue of a child being mean to their sibling's friend. The speaker advises parents to avoid judgment and instead sincerely listen and understand their child's perspective. By creating an open and non-judgmental space, parents can help their child process their negative feelings and work towards accepting and treating others kindly. It is important for parents to stay on their child's side and foster a sense of acceptance and curiosity, ultimately promoting a healthier relationship with others.
With the best of intentions, we can invalidate our kids in subtle ways that make it harder for them to move through their feelings in a healthy manner. Janet responds to three questions from listeners who each recount a specific difficulty they’re experiencing with their kids’ behaviors. These are thoughtful, patient, respectful parents, yet their problems seem to persist. They feel they just can’t get through to their child. Janet identifies a common thread in these parents’ stories and explains how and why they could be inadvertently invalidating their children’s feelings. She offers suggestions for how they might look beyond the problem to understand and address the cause.
Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible with a trial subscription.