How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

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Mo Gawdat - The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes We Make In Finding Love

Dec 3, 2025

Guest

Mo Gawdat

Mo Gawdat, a former Google X executive and bestselling author, returns to explore the complex journey of finding and sustaining love. He discusses three common mistakes people make in relationships, emphasizing the distinction between falling in love and maintaining it. Gawdat introduces Emma, his new AI app designed to help individuals navigate love with compassion and insight. He highlights the pitfalls of current dating tools, the importance of honest self-reflection, and how AI can transform our approach to relationships.

01:02:24

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question_answer

ANECDOTE

Love That Failed Despite Intensity

Mo Gawdat describes falling deeply in love with Hannah and how long-distance and his travel lifestyle strained the relationship.
He admits he became calculating and avoided vulnerability, which contributed to the breakup.

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ANECDOTE

A Comforting Message After Breakup

After Mo's breakup, the first message he received was from Nibel, Ali's mother, offering support and kindness.
This highlighted how love morphs and how dropping ego reveals unexpected gifts.

insights

INSIGHT

Heartbreak Mirrors Grief

Mo equates heartbreak to grief, saying we grieve twice: fearing loss and then the actual loss.
He warns most people fail to reflect and extract learning from heartbreak, which prolongs suffering.

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Mo reflects on personal change since 2019

04:53 • 49sec

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Loss, relationships and recent breakup

05:43 • 7min

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Heartbreak compared to grief

13:01 • 6min

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Falling in love vs sustaining it

19:02 • 8min

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Introducing Emma: purpose and promise

27:18 • 3min

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Failure 1: capitalist dating tools hurt us

30:42 • 4min

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Dating as a skill and the funnel

34:37 • 1min

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Law of large numbers makes matching hard

35:56 • 4min

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Game theory and Nash equilibrium in dating

39:37 • 3min

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Emma's matching approach: fewer, better dates

42:31 • 1min

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How Emma differs from generic AI

43:48 • 2min

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AI: neutral tool shaped by humans

45:35 • 2min

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Failure 2: the economics of relationships

47:33 • 3min

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Emma for couples: communication and reminders

51:00 • 4min

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Failure 3: not seeing our own truth

54:41 • 3min

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Finding contentment amid global suffering

• Mentioned in 14 episodes

• Mentioned in 13 episodes

That Little Voice in Your Head

Mo Gawdat

In 'That Little Voice in Your Head', Mo Gawdat provides a comprehensive user manual for using the human brain optimally to thrive and avoid suffering. Drawing on his expertise in programming and neuroscience, Gawdat explains how to change thought processes, turning greed into generosity and apathy into compassion. The book includes exercises to help readers reshape their mental processes and move away from the misconceptions of modern life, inspired by the life of his late son, Ali.

#690

• Mentioned in 39 episodes

Scary Smart

The Future of Artificial Intelligence and How You Can Save Our World

Mo Gawdat

In 'Scary Smart', Mo Gawdat explores the rapid evolution of Artificial Intelligence, its potential risks, and how humans can maintain control over their collective future. With his extensive background in technology, particularly as the former Chief Business Officer of Google [X], Gawdat provides a clear and accessible blueprint for creating a symbiotic relationship between humans and AI. The book emphasizes the importance of human agency and responsible development of AI to safeguard humanity and the planet.

#586

• Mentioned in 44 episodes

Solve for happy

Mo Gawdat

In 'Solve for Happy,' Mo Gawdat applies his engineering mindset to the problem of happiness. He argues that happiness is a thought process and can be achieved by aligning our perceptions with our expectations. The book introduces the 6-7-5 Model, which involves dispelling six grand illusions, removing seven blind spots, and embracing five ultimate truths. Gawdat shares practical strategies such as cultivating awareness, accepting change, and practicing unconditional love. His approach is grounded in mindfulness and positive psychology, offering readers a roadmap to individual happiness despite life's challenges.

#2806

• Mentioned in 13 episodes

Alive

J. Warner Wallace

In "Alive," J. Warner Wallace uses his expertise as a cold-case detective to investigate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. He applies forensic principles and investigative techniques to analyze the historical evidence surrounding the event. The book examines eyewitness testimonies, the empty tomb, and the transformation of the disciples, presenting a compelling case for the resurrection's historicity. Wallace's approach aims to provide readers with a rational and evidence-based understanding of this pivotal event in Christian history. The book is designed to equip readers with the tools to confidently defend their belief in the resurrection.

I don’t often have repeat guests on How To Fail but Mo Gawdat is the exception. When he first came on this podcast in 2019, he fundamentally changed my mindset and my approach to life.

Back then, he was on a mission to make 1 billion people happier. Now, he returns to focus his brilliant philosophical and analytical brain to the perpetual human question: how to find true love, then nurture and sustain it.

He joins me to discuss the three most frequent mistakes we make in love - and to explain how AI could be the saving of us. Mo is about to launch a game-changing AI-powered app called Emma that promises to help us all navigate the dating game with compassion and insight. This is the first time Mo has spoken in depth about this revolutionary new app so, yes, that IS a How To Fail exclusive, no biggie.

✨ IN THIS EPISODE:

00:00 Introduction

04:29 Personal Growth and Relationships

05:40 Heartbreak and Grief

10:03 Reflections on Love and Breakups

18:12 The Complexity of Modern Dating

21:45 Introducing Emma: The AI for True Love

29:53 The Mathematics of Dating

30:33 The Law of Large Numbers in Love

32:54 Dating Fatigue and Its Consequences

33:39 Game Theory in Relationships

36:52 AI's Role in Modern Relationships

39:15 The Economics of Love and Relationships

47:52 Finding Contentment Amidst Global Chaos

💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER:

Heartbreak is very similar to a terminal diagnosis, followed by grief.

Falling in love is very easy. The trick is how realistic are you about falling in love with the right person?

When you go on a date with a mindset that says “It's not going to work”, it's definitely not going to work.

🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS:

Check out Mo Gawdat’s new relationship app: emma.love

Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content

Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/

📚 WANT MORE?

Mo Gawdat - his first appearance on How to Fail (in 2019!) sparked infinite chatter in the HTF space, covering grief, finding happiness and how to cope with a breakup https://link.chtbl.com/fnA5IzTi

Alain de Botton - reflects on how to stay human during a crisis, embracing vulnerability, acknowledging grief without comparing pain and “turning on the light” in your fears so they lose their power https://link.chtbl.com/RBaS4VUy

Stephen Grosz - argues that real love causes suffering and embracing those painful failures helps us grow, surrender (not submit) in relationships and see ourselves and others more clearly swap.fm/l/1XYvcQR4PRi06YpBC3RA

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