Developing agency and self-regulation is essential for becoming an adult, and can be hindered by overprotective parenting styles.
Parents should focus on nurturing their children's self-sufficiency and resilience, allowing them to embrace their own path to fulfillment and success.
Deep dives
The Importance of Developing Agency and Self-Regulation
Developing agency and self-regulation are essential aspects of becoming an adult. It involves learning how to make independent decisions, take responsibility for one's actions, and navigate life's challenges. This process can be hindered by overprotective and micromanaging parenting styles, which prevent young people from developing the necessary skills and confidence to face adulthood. By recognizing societal obstacles such as macroeconomics and the impact of well-intended but overinvolved parenting, individuals can acknowledge the external factors affecting their transition into adulthood while still taking charge of their own lives. Despite these challenges, young adults have the power and agency to learn necessary skills, seek support, and make choices that align with their values and goals.
The Importance of Nurturing Wildflowers, Not Bonsai Trees
Parents play a vital role in supporting their children's growth and development. Rather than micromanaging their children's lives and molding them into a predetermined ideal, parents should provide a nourishing environment that allows children to flourish as unique individuals. This involves giving them opportunities to take on responsibilities, make mistakes, and learn from their experiences. Parents should focus on fostering a sense of love, support, and encouragement, allowing their children to cultivate their own passions and interests. This approach promotes independence, resilience, and the development of a strong sense of self.
Understanding the Societal Challenges Faced by Young Adults
Entering adulthood comes with its own set of challenges, many of which are influenced by larger societal factors. These include widening income inequality, systemic racialized violence, climate change, and a lack of faith in democratic systems. Additionally, the COVID-19 pandemic has added a layer of complexity and uncertainty to the lives of young adults. It is crucial for young people to recognize these obstacles but also understand the power and agency they possess to navigate them. While systemic issues may not change overnight, individuals can still take steps to learn new skills, seek support from their networks, and make choices that align with their values and aspirations.
Reshaping Parenting Approaches for Empowered Young Adults
Parents have a crucial role in empowering their children to become independent and capable adults. Rather than treating their children as projects to be perfected for personal validation, parents should focus on nurturing their children's self-sufficiency and resilience. This involves allowing children to experience natural consequences, encouraging their autonomy, and supporting their learning process. Instead of prioritizing external markers of success or societal pressures, parents should guide their children towards developing their own unique talents, passions, and interests. By instilling a sense of agency and self-belief in their children, parents can help them embrace their own path to true fulfillment and success.
Whether it’s grades and test scores, cushy jobs or big salaries, our ideas of “success” tend to be incredibly narrow and often start incredibly early. Julie Lythcott-Haims is a New York Times bestselling author and former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford, and she is dedicated to helping people reconsider what really makes a happy, “successful” adult. Julie shares wisdom for parents and anyone who has been parented on why it’s crucial to question societal expectations, how to find your own path and why empathy towards yourself and others are the true key to loving who you’ll grow up to be. For the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscripts
