#789 - Neil Strauss - Why The World’s #1 Pickup Artist Left The Game Behind

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May 27, 2024

Neil Strauss, renowned journalist and author of "The Game," reflects on his evolution from the world’s top pickup artist to a more enlightened view on relationships. He shares insights on co-parenting with his ex-wife and the complexities of modern love, navigating authenticity, and moving away from superficial ideals like Lux Money Status. Strauss challenges norms around masculinity while emphasizing genuine emotional connections and personal growth. Expect a blend of humor and deep reflections on the intricacies of love and identity.

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ANECDOTE

Neil Strauss's Relationship Journey

Neil Strauss's journey involved exploring dating, relationships, marriage, divorce, and co-parenting.
He even decided to have another child with his ex-wife due to their successful co-parenting relationship.

ANECDOTE

Artificial Insemination

Neil and his ex-wife conceived their second child through artificial insemination.
They felt traditional conception was strange given their platonic relationship.

INSIGHT

Letting Go of Past Identities

People should not get attached to past versions of themselves.
Personal growth requires evolving and adapting to changes in life and the world.

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The Game

Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

Neil Strauss

N. Strauss

In 'The Game', Neil Strauss chronicles his transformation from an 'average frustrated chump' (AFC) to a successful pickup artist. The book recounts his experiences living among the seduction community, learning from gurus like Mystery, and adopting the pseudonym 'Style'. Strauss shares numerous seduction techniques, his encounters with celebrities, and the psychological and social dynamics involved in the pickup artist culture. The book also explores the author's eventual realization that these techniques, while effective in picking up women, were not conducive to forming meaningful relationships.

The truth

An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships

Neil Strauss

In 'The Truth', Neil Strauss embarks on a journey to understand and improve his relationships. The book is a candid and often painful exploration of his experiences with monogamy, non-monogamy, and sex addiction. Strauss visits sex addiction clinics, participates in alternative relationship styles such as polyamory, and delves into his own childhood traumas to understand the root causes of his relationship problems. The book emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, respect, and honesty in building healthy relationships. Through his journey, Strauss aims to break down societal norms and expectations surrounding relationships and intimacy, advocating for a more authentic and self-aware approach to love and sex[2][3][5].

Marriage, a history

Stephanie Coontz

Stephanie Coontz's "Marriage, a History" provides a comprehensive overview of the evolution of marriage across different cultures and historical periods. The book challenges traditional notions of marriage as a timeless institution, revealing its adaptability and transformation over centuries. Coontz examines the social, economic, and political factors that have shaped marriage, highlighting its diverse forms and functions. She explores the changing roles of men and women within marriage and the impact of social movements on marital norms. The book offers a nuanced understanding of marriage's complexities and its ongoing evolution.

The rebel

Albert Camus

In 'The Rebel', Albert Camus delves into the nature of rebellion and revolution, exploring their motivations, historical developments, and philosophical implications. The book discusses how rebellion stems from a human rejection of normative justice and the absurdity of the world. Camus distinguishes between true and false freedom, critiques various historical and intellectual figures such as the Marquis de Sade and Friedrich Nietzsche, and analyzes the French Revolution and other revolutionary movements. He argues that while rebellion gives life its value and is a constant confrontation between man and his own obscurity, it often leads to totalitarianism and oppression if not tempered by moral and metaphysical limitations. The book emphasizes the importance of maintaining individual freedom and solidarity in the face of rebellion and revolution.

The stranger

Albert Camus

Published in 1942, 'The Stranger' tells the story of Meursault, a Frenchman living in Algiers, who is characterized by his emotional detachment and apathy. The novel begins with Meursault's indifferent reaction to his mother's death and follows his journey through a series of events, including a senseless murder, which leads to his trial and sentencing. Camus uses Meursault's story to illustrate his philosophy of the absurd, highlighting the lack of inherent meaning in life and the importance of accepting and living with this reality. The novel also explores the tensions between French colonialists and native Algerians, reflecting Camus's own experiences and critiques of colonialism.

The Virtue of Selfishness

Ayn Rand

In this collection of essays, Ayn Rand challenges the conventional moral assumption that selflessness is virtuous and argues for a new concept of egoism based on rational self-interest. The book rejects the morality of sacrifice and altruism, instead advocating for an ethics of rational selfishness that prioritizes individual happiness and life. Rand and co-author Nathaniel Branden address various ethical issues, including the nature of government, individual rights, and the destructiveness of altruism. The essays emphasize the importance of moral principles based on reason and reality rather than divine revelation or social conventions.

Loving What Is

Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

Stephen Mitchell

Byron Katie

In 'Loving What Is,' Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell present 'The Work,' a simple yet powerful process of self-inquiry. The book teaches readers how to apply four key questions to any problem, enabling them to see their troubles in a new light. Katie's method emphasizes that suffering is not caused by the situation itself but by our thoughts about it. Through clear examples and dialogues, the book shows how to apply 'The Work' in various areas of life, such as relationships, work, and personal anxieties, leading to lasting peace, clarity, and energy. The process helps readers accept reality as it is, rather than resisting it, and promotes a transformative practice for spiritual growth and mental well-being[2][3][4].

Nonviolent Communication

A Language of Life

Marshall B. Rosenberg

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a framework created by Marshall Rosenberg that aims to enhance communication by promoting compassion and empathy. The book outlines a four-step process for effective communication: observing what is happening without judgment, identifying and expressing feelings, recognizing and articulating needs, and making clear requests. Rosenberg emphasizes the importance of separating observations from evaluations to avoid defensiveness and promote genuine human connections. The book includes practical exercises, role-plays, and real-life examples to illustrate how NVC can be applied in various relationships and situations, including personal, professional, and conflict resolution contexts. It also discusses how NVC can help in developing self-compassion and resolving conflicts by focusing on the underlying needs rather than the actions that trigger emotions[1][3][5].

The Trial of Socrates

I.F. Stone

In this book, I.F. Stone delves into the trial of Socrates, presenting a nuanced and critical view of the events. Stone argues that Socrates was not a martyr for free speech and democracy but rather a critic of Athenian democracy who advocated for rule by autocratic dictators. The book examines the political earthquakes in late fifth-century Athens that led to Socrates' prosecution and execution. Stone also critiques Socrates' methods and philosophy, suggesting that he undermined faith in Athenian democracy and that his death was a result of his own actions and contempt for the city's institutions. Despite this, Stone condemns Athens for executing Socrates, highlighting the contradiction between the city's ideals of free speech and its actions.

Essays in Idleness

Tsurezuregusa

Kenkō

Essays in Idleness, written by the Japanese Buddhist monk Kenkō, is a collection of short, reflective essays offering insights into various aspects of life and nature. The essays are characterized by their brevity, wit, and insightful observations on human nature and the transient nature of existence. Kenkō's writing style is informal and conversational, making the essays accessible and engaging to modern readers. The essays cover a wide range of topics, from the beauty of nature to the follies of human behavior. The work is considered a classic of Japanese literature and continues to be studied and appreciated for its timeless wisdom.