The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos Why Having the Courage to Defy Makes us Happier (with Dr Sunita Sah)
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Sep 8, 2025 
Dr. Sunita Sah, a physician and professor at Cornell University, discusses the transformative power of defiance in her book, 'Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes.' She explains how embracing the courage to say no can enhance our happiness. The conversation dives into the dangers of blind obedience, historical insights from the Milgram experiments, and the concept of 'insinuation anxiety' that holds us back. Sunita emphasizes that staying true to personal values, even at a cost, is key to personal fulfillment and societal change.
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Defiance As Value-Aligned Action
- Defiance is acting in line with your true values when pressured to do otherwise.
- Sunita Sah reframes defiance as a pro-social act rather than mere rebellion.
Why Compliance Feels Natural
- We are wired to comply because compliance is rewarded socially and neurologically.
- Excessive compliance becomes harmful when it conflicts with our own interests or harms others.
The Power Of Insinuation Anxiety
- Insinuation anxiety makes us avoid speaking up to avoid implying negative traits about others.
- That fear keeps people silent even when error or harm is occurring.
