Dr. Ingrid Clayton on How to Heal the Chronic Fawn Response | EP 661

Sep 9, 2025

Dr. Ingrid Clayton, a clinical psychologist and author specializing in trauma and recovery, explains how the fawn response leads many high-achievers to prioritize peace over their own identities. She highlights the impact of childhood trauma on self-worth and relationships. Ingrid shares practical steps for unfawning, including noticing and setting gentle boundaries. She advocates for recognizing the body's wisdom in healing and discusses how fawning can negatively affect financial behaviors. This conversation provides a roadmap to reclaim authenticity and rebuild self-trust after years of self-neglect.

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INSIGHT

Fawning As A Survival Instinct

Fawning is a survival response tied to fight/flight/freeze rather than a moral failing.
It operates unconsciously to minimize harm when relationships or resources feel threatened.

ANECDOTE

Hot-Tub Moment That Shifted Everything

At 13, Ingrid describes a hot-tub moment with her stepfather that felt unsafe despite his kindness.
That grooming triggered a decades-long chronic fawn response that shaped her life.

INSIGHT

Kindness Hijacked Into Self-Abandonment

Chronic fawning hijacks traits like kindness and empathy for others at the expense of self-care.
This pattern erodes autonomy, agency, and self-trust both personally and professionally.

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In episode 661 of Passion Struck, trauma psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton explains why so many high-achievers, caregivers, and leaders default to “keep the peace at any cost,” and how that pattern quietly erodes identity, boundaries, and well-being.

We unpack how complex/relational trauma encodes “safety over self,” why talk-only approaches often stall, and the practical sequence for unfawning: notice → name → normalize → lower the bar → practice tiny boundary reps. Ingrid shares bottom-up tools for down-shifting physiological threat (breath, orienting, somatic tracking), scripts for gentler boundaries that don’t spike panic, and ways to rebuild self-trust after years of self-abandonment—at home, at work, and in leadership.

If you’ve ever over-functioned at the office, shape-shifted in relationships, or felt invisible while doing “everything right,” this conversation gives you language for what’s been happening and a roadmap out of it.

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About Dr. Ingrid Clayton

Ingrid Clayton, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and author whose work focuses on trauma, complex PTSD, and recovery. Her new book, Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back, offers a step-by-step approach to healing the appease response and reclaiming your voice.

Catch more of Dr. Ingrid Clayton: https://www.ingridclayton.com/

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