The Kink Consultant Ep 41 - What Allows Us to Feel Safe in Relationships? Exploring Power, Kink, and Connection with Aubrey Aust
Jul 16, 2025
Join Aubrey Aust, a Master's student at NYU specializing in relational safety, as she dives into the world of power dynamics, attachment styles, and BDSM. Aubrey explains how kink can illuminate vulnerability and consent in ways mainstream relationships often overlook. She discusses the importance of curiosity in examining ingrained patterns, the role of somatic psychology in understanding our bodies' signals, and how negotiating power dynamics fosters safety. This conversation offers profound insights into building healthier connections and understanding our relational wiring.
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BDSM As A Relational Laboratory
- Aubrey sees BDSM as a relational laboratory that makes power and vulnerability explicit.
- This visibility lets partners negotiate consent and safety instead of inheriting hidden scripts.
Question Your Inherited Scripts
- Do examine your inherited relational scripts and ask whether they protect or prevent you.
- Start with curiosity, not immediate change, to explore if those patterns still serve you.
Attachment Styles Can Change
- Attachment styles are not fixed and shift across relationships and time.
- Your relational ecosystem helps shape whether you can move toward secure attachment.