What actually allows us to feel safe in relationships? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I’m joined by Aubrey Aust, a Master’s student at NYU researching relational safety, who explores themes of attachment styles, somatics, and kink to examine the systems and sensations that shape how we connect with others.
We talk about how BDSM dynamics bring power, vulnerability, and consent to the surface in ways that most relationships suppress. Aubrey shares why kink can serve as a relational laboratory, how cultural scripts influence our nervous systems, and what it means to move through the world with curiosity and care. We also dive into shadow work, language around needs, and how we unlearn what no longer protects us.
Whether you're navigating kink, reflecting on past patterns, or rethinking how you build safety with others, this conversation is a powerful starting point. You’ll walk away with deeper insight into your own relational wiring and why safety is about more than just feeling comfortable.
Episode Highlights:
02:40 Power Dynamics in Relationships
06:32 Attachment Styles and Safety
11:58 Language and Communication in Relationships
15:26 Somatic Psychology and Healing
18:07 Exploring EMDR Therapy
22:12 Unlearning and Healing
Connect with Aubrey
http://www.aubreyaust.com/
https://instagram.com/aubrey__aust
https://www.linkedin.com/in/aubrey-aust-8b7744174/
Connect with Me:
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