In this insightful conversation, Logan Ury, a behavioral scientist and dating coach at Hinge, shares her expertise on finding love intentionally. She emphasizes the importance of viewing dating as a skill to develop, offering actionable tips on meeting people and navigating first dates. Logan discusses 'dating blind spots' and how tech influences modern dating dynamics. With insights applicable to any age, her practical advice aims to help listeners build fulfilling long-term relationships. Her book, 'How to Not Die Alone,' is a must-read for those seeking connection.
Dating is a skill that can be developed, highlighting the importance of seeking help and self-reflection to improve dating habits.
Shifting from a soulmate mindset to recognizing the effort required for successful relationships can lead to more meaningful connections.
Deep dives
Understanding Dating as a Skill
Many people are unaware that dating is a skill that can be developed over time. This insight emphasizes that while love may come naturally, the intricacies of dating require effort to master. For individuals feeling discouraged about their single status, the podcast highlights the importance of seeking help to build the necessary dating skills. By recognizing that challenges in dating are common, individuals can approach the process with renewed hope and determination.
Identifying Dating Blind Spots
The conversation brings attention to common dating blind spots that often prevent individuals from finding meaningful connections. By encouraging clients to consult their friends for feedback on their dating habits, many gain valuable insights into behaviors that may be hindering their success. For instance, some individuals may learn they come across as overly picky or emotionally unavailable without understanding the impact of these perceptions. This self-reflection process is crucial for anyone looking to improve their dating life.
The Burden of Romantic Expectations
The podcast discusses how modern romantic ideals can create unrealistic expectations around dating, leading to disappointment and confusion. Many individuals approach relationships with the belief that they are destined to find their 'soulmate', overlooking the essential work required to maintain a healthy partnership. It suggests shifting from a 'soulmate mindset' to an understanding that successful relationships take effort and commitment. By redefining these preconceptions about love, people can engage in more meaningful and sustainable connections.
Supportive Communities in Dating
Emphasizing the role of diverse social connections, the podcast introduces the concept of 'Other Significant Others' (OSOs), suggesting that fulfillment comes from various relationships rather than solely from romantic partners. As individuals increasingly expect their primary partners to fulfill multiple roles, this viewpoint encourages building a supportive community for emotional and social needs. Having a broader network means relying on different people for varying aspects of life, which can lead to greater happiness and less pressure on romantic relationships. By fostering these connections, individuals can experience a fuller sense of companionship and belonging.
It’s natural to romanticize the random meet-cutes we’ve all seen in romantic comedies, but is hoping for a chance encounter with the next great love of your life the best way to find them? Behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury believes in dating with practicality and intention. Logan joins Chris to share actionable tips on where and how to meet people, making the best of first dates, and how to know when you have found the right person. Whether you’re in your 20s or your 70s, Logan’s well-researched tactics will give you hope of finding a stable long-term relationship. Her book, How to Not Die Alone, is out now.