Understanding the three dating tendencies and attachment styles can help navigate the dating landscape more effectively.
Prioritizing emotional connections and shared values over the 'spark' can lead to more fulfilling relationships.
Crafting a successful first date involves planning, genuine interest, and ending on a positive note.
Deep dives
Dating in the Modern World
Dating in the modern world can be confusing and challenging, especially with the rise of technology and online dating apps. Many people struggle with knowing the best approach to dating. However, by understanding the three dating tendencies and three attachment styles, individuals can navigate the dating landscape more effectively. It is important to design a good first date and avoid relying solely on the 'spark' when deciding whether to continue seeing someone. Breaking up with someone you've been dating for a while requires clear communication and holding yourself accountable.
Behavior Science and Dating Coaching
Behavior scientist turned dating coach, Logan Ury, offers expertise in helping individuals make better decisions in dating. By combining the fields of psychology and dating, Ury helps clients identify and overcome their unrealistic expectations and attachment styles that may hinder their dating success. Through her book, 'How to Not Die Alone,' she empowers individuals to make better decisions in dating, prioritize meaningful connections over instant chemistry, and improve their overall dating experiences.
The Role of Spark and the Three Spark Myths
In society, there is a strong emphasis on the 'spark' or instant chemistry when it comes to dating. However, the idea that the spark can't grow over time, that it always indicates a good match, and that if you have the spark, the relationship is viable are all myths. The spark can indeed develop over time, and initial chemistry does not guarantee long-term compatibility. It is crucial to challenge these misconceptions and focus on deeper emotional connections and shared values when determining relationship potential.
Tips for Crafting a Good First Date
Crafting a successful first date involves putting effort into planning, avoiding small talk, being interested in the other person, and ending the date on a high note. It is essential to show that you are invested in the date, create a meaningful experience for both individuals, and prioritize connection over superficial information gathering. Additionally, ending the date positively can leave a lasting impression and potentially lead to future dates.
Navigating Breakups and Ghosting
When ending a relationship that is not going anywhere, it is important to hold oneself accountable and have a clear, kind, and firm conversation with the other person. Ghosting, or abruptly cutting off communication without explanation, can be hurtful and cause unnecessary confusion. While it may be uncomfortable, providing closure and communicating one's feelings respectfully can benefit both individuals involved.
Dating is a relatively recent phenomenon in human history. Given that, it shouldn't come as a surprise that many people aren't sure of the best way to go about it, especially since the rise of modern technology and dating apps has made an already murky landscape even more confusing.
If you feel like you could use some expert, research-backed guidance to navigating this world, enter today's guest, Logan Ury. Logan is a behavioral scientist turned dating coach, the Director of Relationship Science for the Hinge dating app, and the author of How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love. Today on the show, Logan explains the three dating tendencies and the three types of attachment styles that can influence, and potentially sabotage, your ability to get into a healthy relationship. She shares the easiest thing you can do to be more successful in making connections on the dating apps, and the criteria to use for figuring out how to best meet people in person. Logan then gets into how to design a good first date, and what to tell the other person if the date doesn't go well, rather than ghosting them. She also makes the case for why you shouldn't be over reliant on feeling the proverbial spark when deciding whether to see someone again. We end our conversation with tips on breaking up with someone you've been dating for awhile.