We Can Do Hard Things 169. Why We Love the Way We Love: Attachment Styles with Dr. Becky Kennedy
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Jan 17, 2023 
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Attachment Is Evolutionary Wiring
- Attachment is an evolutionary system that motivates children to seek proximity to caregivers for survival and shapes early brain wiring.
- By age three, wiring jumps from 25% to 75%, embedding relational expectations into our nervous systems.
Attraction Replays Childhood Patterns
- Adult attraction often activates early attachment patterns and can recreate childhood dynamics in romance.
- Feeling drawn to emotionally distant partners can be a bodily habit learned from home, not a character flaw.
Intensity Can Signal Scarcity, Not Health
- High-intensity sexual or emotional highs can mirror rare childhood moments of validation and feel like "home."
- Those spikes often compensate for chronic relational scarcity rather than indicate healthy attachment.