Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and author of 'How to Be Enough,' dives into the complexities of perfectionism. She discusses its dual nature—how it fuels success yet can lead to dissatisfaction and strained relationships. Hendriksen shares insights on balancing high standards with self-care, the risk of growth stifled by fear, and the impact of perfectionism on collaboration in the workplace. Her practical advice encourages self-compassion and flexibility, promoting healthier professional dynamics.
Perfectionism, while often associated with high achievement, can lead to dissatisfaction and alienation in both professional and personal contexts.
The rise of socially prescribed perfectionism is driving increased feelings of inadequacy, with individuals pressured to attain unrealistic standards influenced by social media.
Deep dives
Understanding Perfectionism and Its Impact
Perfectionism is often perceived as a commendable trait, characterized by high standards and attention to detail. While this can drive success in various fields, it can lead to mental and physical harm when one begins to equate their self-worth with their performance. Many individuals experiencing perfectionism do not enter therapy claiming to be perfectionists, but rather expressing feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm. This suggests that perfectionism is more about an inability to feel satisfied with oneself rather than a desire to achieve flawless outcomes.
The Rising Epidemic of Perfectionism
Recent research indicates that perfectionism is on the rise, particularly since the advent of social media in 2005, which may exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. There are three types of perfectionism: self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially prescribed perfectionism, with the latter becoming increasingly prevalent. This escalating trend reflects a cultural shift towards incessant pressure to perform and achieve, ultimately leading to heightened expectations both from oneself and from others. As these demands increase, individuals may find themselves feeling more incompetent or less adequate in their personal and professional lives.
Navigating Mistakes and Cultivating Flexibility
Perfectionists often struggle to handle mistakes due to an all-or-nothing mindset, where any error is perceived as a reflection of their capabilities. This rigid evaluation can lead to burnout and stagnation, as avoidance of mistakes can inhibit learning and growth in one's career. Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, it can be beneficial to adopt a more flexible understanding that allows for human error while maintaining high standards. By reframing the narrative around mistakes, perfectionists can cultivate a healthier relationship with their work and themselves, promoting resilience and personal development.
High standards, attention to detail, and self-control are invaluable qualities at work. They’re also aspects of perfectionism, something to which many high achievers credit much of their success. But Ellen Hendriksen, clinical psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, says being your own worst critic can also lead to constant dissatisfaction at work and alienation from coworkers. Her new book is How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists. Drawing on her own research, clinical work, and personal experience as a perfectionist, she explains where perfectionism comes from and how it affects teams. Hendriksen shares how not to be so hard on yourself—while still keeping your high standards.
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