Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

How To Spot A Narcissist, The Impact of Toxic Relationships & Building Healthy Boundaries with Dr Ramani Durvasula #428

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Feb 21, 2024

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist and expert on personality disorders, sheds light on the complexities of narcissism and its pervasive effects on relationships and health. They discuss the increasing misuse of terms like 'narcissist' and 'gaslighting' in our culture. Dr. Ramani shares insights on recognizing manipulative behaviors such as love bombing, emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries, and reflects on personal healing from toxic relationships. Her knowledge offers a path toward empowerment and self-awareness for those affected.

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INSIGHT

Narcissism Defined

Narcissism, a maladaptive personality style, involves low empathy, entitlement, and grandiosity, often masking deep insecurity.
It's crucial to observe behavioral patterns rather than single instances to identify narcissism.

INSIGHT

Accountability Matters

While everyone can exhibit narcissistic traits, especially under stress, narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions.
Healthy individuals apologize and make amends after losing their temper.

INSIGHT

Origins of Narcissism

A need for external validation is normal but becomes problematic when it's the sole motivator, leading to emptiness.
Narcissism can stem from adversity or over-specialness in childhood, but these pathways aren't deterministic.

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Whether it’s on the political stage, in the world of celebrity, or across social media, the word narcissist is used a lot these days. The same goes for terms like ‘gaslighting’. But do we really understand what they mean? Is their increased use a good thing, shining a light on toxic behaviours to beware of? Or do we risk diluting their impact – undermining what it really means to be stuck in a narcissistic relationship?

This episode takes a frank look at all these questions and more, with licensed clinical psychologist Dr Ramani Durvasula. She’s Professor of Psychology at California State University, a world-renowned expert on the impact of personality and personality disorders on health and behaviour and someone who is extremely passionate about the impact that narcissism can have on physical health, mental health and relationships. She has written several books, including the latest, It’s Not You: How to Identify and Heal from Narcissistic People.

We begin by exploring the true meaning of narcissism, its prevalence within society, the evolutionary explanation for narcissistic traits, the impact that narcissistic behaviours can have on our relationships and why it is that society seems to reward these traits, making them synonymous with success and fame.

Dr Ramani believes too many people are harmed by narcissists. As a survivor herself, she’s made it her life’s work to raise awareness of how they can wreak havoc in relationships, families, workplaces and more. By exposing the traits and refusing to celebrate them, she wants to empower and protect people’s health.

It’s Not You is the title of her book because Dr Ramani wants survivors of narcissism to know they’re not at fault. She believes you can get to a place of ‘radical acceptance’ where, even if you can’t leave, you can acknowledge a person’s behaviour is not OK and you’re not at fault. And during this conversation she outlines some of the ways you can get there, how you can protect yourself in future, and how to start healing if you have been hurt.

This conversation is slightly different in topic and tone from what you may be used to on this podcast. But I do think that this is an important topic that is probably not spoken about enough. For me, it really was an honour to have such a deep and honest conversation about this topic with someone as passionate and articulate as Dr Ramani. I hope you enjoy listening.

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Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/428

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