The Invisible Forces Keeping You Exhausted & Anxious—And How To Break Free

Oct 1, 2025

Elise Loehnen, a New York Times bestselling author and host of Pulling the Thread, discusses the cultural conditioning that makes women feel guilty about rest. She shares her personal journey from breaking her neck to confronting her ever-present 'shoulds.' Topics include performative motherhood, the exhaustion of societal narratives, and how to reframe envy into insight. Elise provides practical tools for breaking free from these limiting stories, emphasizing the need for emotional honesty and creating supportive networks among women.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Service As Female Identity

Cultural conditioning teaches women to subjugate their wants to others and equates being a “good woman” with constant service.
This inherited story creates perpetual busywork that prevents women from tuning into their own needs.

ADVICE

Name Fear, Then Breathe

When fear drives your behavior, name the fear and breathe into it rather than trying to fix everything with busyness.
Practice acknowledging fear to make it dissipate and reduce reactive overcontrol.

ANECDOTE

Broken Neck Forced A Reality Check

Elise broke her neck after a fall and refused to stop working until doctors intervened and she had to rest for weeks.
That forced rest revealed her performative mothering stories and showed her husband would step in when she let go.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Why do so many women feel guilty when they rest? I sit down with Elise Loehnen—New York Times bestselling author—to unpack the deep cultural and personal reasons women over-function, over-deliver, and burn themselves out. If you've ever felt like you have to earn rest or prove your worth through constant doing, this conversation is for you.

We dive into the emotional and societal roots of rest guilt—why it feels “wrong” to slow down, even when you're exhausted. Elise shares how breaking her neck forced her to confront her own beliefs about being a “good woman” and why she realized that no one was actually demanding perfection from her… except herself.

We also explore the difference between stories and facts, and how many of us live in exhausting stories about motherhood, ambition, money, and self-worth without even realizing it. Elise teaches us how to identify those narratives, trace where they came from, and consciously choose new ones that serve you.

If you’ve struggled with performative motherhood, scarcity around money, resentment in your relationships, or comparing yourself to women online, Elise offers a compassionate, story-rich guide to healing. Her tools for turning envy into insight, fear into clarity, and busyness into boundaries are some of the most practical and powerful I’ve heard.

You’ll also hear:

What performative labor looks like in motherhood and work—and how to stop
How envy can reveal what you truly want
Why women cancel themselves while men just keep going
How to stop outsourcing your self-worth to productivity
Why comparison, guilt, and burnout are often symptoms of deeper emotional patterns—and what to do instead

Whether you’re navigating motherhood, building a career, or simply trying to feel like you’re “enough,” this episode is a warm and honest invitation to put down the pressure and pick up rest—not as a reward, but as your right.

For more from Elise Loehnen, check out her podcast Pulling The Thread, her workbook Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness, or find her on Instagram @eliseloehnen.

Ready to uplevel every part of your life? Order Liz’s book 100 Ways to Change Your Life: The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships & Success now!

Connect with Liz on Instagram @lizmoody or online at www.lizmoody.com. Subscribe to the substack by visiting https://lizmoody.substack.com/welcome. Buy our cute sweatshirts, conversation cards, and more at https://shop.lizmoody.com/.

Use our discount codes from our highly vetted and tested brand partners by visiting https://www.lizmoody.com/codes.

To join The Liz Moody Podcast Club Facebook group, go to www.facebook.com/groups/thelizmoodypodcast.

This episode is brought to you completely free thanks to the following podcast sponsors:

Seed (DS-01): head to Seed.com/LizMoody and use code LIZMOODY for 25% off your first month.
Pique: go to PiqueLife.com/LizMoody for up to 20% off plus a special gift.
Shopify: visit Shopify.com/LizM to sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period.
LMNT: go to DrinkLMNT.com/LizMoody to get a free LMNT sample pack with any order.
IQ Bar: Text LIZ to 64000 for 20% off all IQBAR products plus FREE shipping.

The Liz Moody Podcast cover art by Zack. The Liz Moody Podcast music by Alex Ruimy.

Formerly the Healthier Together Podcast.

This podcast and website represents the opinions of Liz Moody and her guests to the show. The content here should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for information purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions.

The Liz Moody Podcast Episode 369.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices