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Focus on internalizing ordinary, mild experiences of feeling seen, included, and sustained in relationships to build a sense of refuge for times of potential abandonment. Choose relationships wisely, assessing if you're reenacting childhood setups. Look for partners who see your worth from the start; if not, they are disqualified. Tend to any mild misunderstandings in relationships to prevent escalating issues, internalizing the genuine care and affection from others.
Take in healthy praise and acknowledgment as it is given, making note of approvals that are not tied to surface-level qualities. Engage in conversations with friends to discuss why you may need reassurance, and ask follow-up questions to delve deeper into the reasons for praise or affirmation. Explain your need for affirmation to others, and work on internalizing positive feedback that focuses on your character rather than solely on external traits.
In relationships, when mild misunderstandings occur, avoid catastrophizing the situation. Work towards understanding the scale of the issue and communicate to resolve the breakdown. By recognizing normal relationship hiccups and actively seeking to repair these rifts, you prevent small issues from escalating and potentially damaging the connection.
Seek to find a balance between receiving external reassurance and fostering your own sense of self-worth. Take a deliberate approach to accept and appreciate the acknowledgment you receive, while also focusing on internal affirmations outside of sexual and physical validations. Encourage a comprehensive view of your worth, emphasizing intrinsic qualities and overall character rather than external traits like attractiveness or performance.
One key insight from the podcast is the importance of authentically delivering reassurance and approval to individuals who seek validation. Instead of withdrawing or providing superficial compliments, it is suggested to offer reassurance in meaningful ways that go beyond physical appearance. By encouraging individuals to internalize authentic reassurance and approval, it can address deep-seated insecurities and create a more fulfilling sense of validation and support.
Another significant point discussed in the podcast is the impact of trust issues and emotional vulnerability on relationships. Validating legitimate mistrust and appreciating one's vigilance are highlighted as initial steps towards building trust. By being realistic in expectations, explicit about foundations of trust, and focusing on reliable interactions, individuals can navigate trust issues effectively. Understanding attachment wounding and fostering being-to-being connections can help address deep-seated attachment issues and promote healthier relationship dynamics.
If you listen to a podcast like ours, you’re probably familiar with the phrase “daddy issues.” A more accurate way to understand daddy issues is as a form of attachment wounding, which describes situations where our adult relationships are affected by complicated, difficult, or traumatic experiences we had as a child.
In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick explore what daddy issues are, how they relate to attachment theory, sexism and the broader social and historical context, different forms of attachment wounding, and a simple way to understand your attachment style. They then walk through four common sets of symptoms and challenges related to attachment wounding, and what a person can do to move toward secure attachment.
Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.
Key Topics:
0:00: Introduction
1:50: What are daddy issues?
6:35: Parental roles and symptoms of attachment wounding
13:35: How attachment patterns are created
19:35: Yearning for narcissistic supplies
22:10: Gendered dynamics, and the pejorative use of the phrase “daddy issues”
28:20: Claiming your power
31:15: Forming a coherent narrative, and looking for what was missing
34:50: A simple method for assessing your attachment style
41:50: Social support
44:10: Who you are to others, and meeting person to person
50:55: Situation #1: How to deal with fears of abandonment and being alone
55:00: Situation #2: “I need a lot of reassurance and external validation.”
58:10: Situation #3: Fears related to emotional vulnerability
1:05:15: Situation #4: “I keep dating the same (problematic) kind of person.”
1:10:30: Making deliberate effort
1:14:50: Recap
Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.
New Program From Rick! If you want to break old patterns and step out of the familiar scripts that hold you back, Rick's Change Your Mind online course is for you. It's a 6-week program starting March 18 designed to help you step out of old assumptions and attitudes and into new, helpful thoughts about yourself and others. Visit RickHanson.net/ChangeYourMind to learn more and get 20% with coupon code BeingWell20.
Sponsors: This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, and you can join over a million people using the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!
Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.
Connect with the show:
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Listen to the best highlights from the podcasts you love and dive into the full episode