Laura McKowen, an inspiring author and speaker, discusses the intricate relationship between joy and anxiety, particularly after overcoming addiction. She delves into the concept of 'foreboding joy,' highlighting how societal conditioning can hinder happiness. Their conversation navigates the impact of social media on mental well-being and emphasizes the importance of authenticity in creative expression. McKowen also shares insights on cultivating gratitude and embracing both joy and pain to enrich life experiences.
The concept of foreboding joy reveals how past trauma can hinder one's ability to fully engage in enjoyable moments.
Practicing gratitude and savoring ordinary experiences are essential strategies for expanding emotional capacity and enhancing joy.
Making intentional choices about commitments allows individuals to prioritize happiness and cultivate an authentic, fulfilling life.
Deep dives
Understanding Foreboding Joy
Foreboding joy is a concept explored in depth, highlighting how it reflects the fear of losing happiness during moments of joy. This fear is often triggered by the belief that joy is a vulnerable emotion that can lead to disaster planning, where the mind conjures worst-case scenarios that prevent full engagement in joyful experiences. The discussion illustrates this concept using personal anecdotes and references to the work of Brené Brown, emphasizing that people frequently believe great joy must come with the potential for pain. This leads to a cycle where individuals struggle to enjoy the present moment, constantly thwarted by their anxiety about what could go wrong.
The Impact of Past Experiences on Joy
Past trauma and negative experiences significantly affect one's ability to feel joy and gratitude in the present. These experiences can create a pervasive fear that leads individuals to brace for trouble rather than savor joyful moments. The conversation draws on personal experiences, such as new relationships or parenthood, as triggers for this anxiety, illustrating how feelings of joy are often overshadowed by concerns about potential loss. The discussion emphasizes the importance of acknowledging these fears to begin allowing joy back into one’s life.
Cultivating the Capacity for Joy
The journey towards increased joy involves practical steps and personal reflections aimed at expanding one’s emotional range. Participants share how engaging with physical activities, such as running or surfing, opens a pathway to joy by reconnecting them with their bodies and the world. The practice of gratitude is highlighted as a powerful tool, with participants discussing specific ways they actively cultivate gratitude to create a more joyful mindset. By learning to appreciate the ordinary and savor the good moments, individuals can expand their capacity for joy despite past experiences.
The Role of Choice in Experiencing Joy
Making conscious choices about where to invest time and energy plays a critical role in the capacity to experience joy. Saying no to activities or commitments that don’t resonate with personal values allows individuals to prioritize what genuinely brings them happiness. The conversation explores how choices can often lead to resentment but emphasizes that refusing to take on burdensome obligations ultimately contributes to a more fulfilling life. Recognizing that everyone has the power to choose joy aligns with the idea of gratitude, reinforcing that happiness can be cultivated through intentional living.
Practicing Mindfulness to Enhance Joy
To fully experience joy, individuals must practice being present and mindful, allowing positive experiences to stick in their minds. The concept that negative experiences stick like Velcro while positive experiences slide off like Teflon is discussed, underscoring the need to actively pause and appreciate good moments. Achieving a balance between joy and discomfort requires making a deliberate effort to engage with positive experiences for at least 15 seconds. The practice of stopping to acknowledge and savor these moments serves to reinforce gratitude and joy, fostering an emotional landscape where joy can flourish.
What is that anxious voice that interrupts the best moments of life? What actually makes us happier?
Laura McKowen inspires people to say yes to a bigger life after addiction. She’s the author of the forthcoming memoir, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life (Dec. 2019), and has been featured on WebMD, The New York Post, Bravo, and the TODAY show. She writes an internationally recognized, award-winning blog, is the host of two Top 100 iTunes podcasts, and leads sold-out retreats and courses focused on sobriety and personal development. www.lauramckowen.com
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