How To Academy Podcast Ingrid Clayton – Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves
Dec 10, 2025
Ingrid Clayton, a clinical psychologist and author of 'Fawning,' delves into the complexities of fawning as a trauma response. She redefines people-pleasing not as a moral failing but a survival strategy shaped by relational trauma. Ingrid shares insights on how this behavior can be habitual, especially for marginalized groups, and discusses the impact of gender conditioning. With practical tools for reclaiming one's self, she emphasizes the importance of authenticity and the ongoing journey of unfawning, aiming for richer relationships and self-discovery.
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Fawning As A Trauma Response
- Fawning is a fourth trauma response that emerges when fight, flight, or freeze feel unsafe or unavailable.
- It is a nervous-system survival strategy that seeks safety by appeasing and caretaking others.
Reframing People-Pleasing
- Fawning reframes people-pleasing and codependency as adaptive physiological responses, not moral failures.
- That removes shame and locates the problem in the nervous system and environment.
Power Shapes Fawning Responses
- Relational trauma can be interpersonal or systemic, shaped by power dynamics like patriarchy and racism.
- Bodies instinctively register where we sit in the social pecking order and adapt survival strategies accordingly.
