Lori Gottlieb ON: How to Set and Keep Better Boundaries & Ways to Know if You Are Settling in Relationships

Why do we often struggle when we are trying to build a lasting relationship with someone?

Why is love not enough to make two people genuinely care for each other and stay happy together?

Let's unpack the conversation I had with Lori Gottlieb. Lori is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which has sold nearly two million copies and is currently being adapted as a television series. In addition to her clinical practice, she is co-host of the popular “Dear Therapists” podcast now in its 4th season.

In this digital age, the power of in-person conversations is unparalleled, therefore, face-to-face discussions not only ease challenging topics but also strengthen connections, even in times of disagreement. We will eExplore the fascinating urge to share our stories when conversations turn distant. Uncover the psychology behind this impulse and its impact on nurturing authentic connections.

It's important to find the balance between desired traits and the potential for mutual growth. And boundaries aren't about controlling others; they're about prioritizing self-care. 

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to deal with unwanted peer pressure

How to master difficult conversations

The importance of setting early relationship goals

How to balance the qualities we look for in a partner

The positive impact of active listening

How to navigate relationship triggers 

Let's uncover the truths, debunk the myths, and reshape the way you perceive and nurture connections.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:02 What should you do if a friend is pushing you to do something that makes you uncomfortable?

03:24 In-person conversations ease difficult discussions; connection persists despite disagreement

05:16 Set relationship goals early; they reveal compatibility quickly

07:47 Social anxiety often mirrors our childhood treatment

11:51 The urge to discuss oneself grows when sensing disinterest or neglect in conversations 

16:24 Your potential partner might possess certain preferred qualities, yet not encompass all you seek

18:26 Identify your deal breakers and let go of the relationship fantasies we grew up with

22:25 How to shift from rigidity to actively listening to your partner?

26:47 By comprehending your partner's triggers, you can guide them back to the present moment

29:28 Boundaries involve defining self-care actions, not manipulating others' behavior around you

35:14 Consistency with our self-set boundaries fosters meaningful connections

39:10 Let go of what you couldn’t have and then go find it in someone without trying to change them

41:41 What does money and gender roles represent in your relationship? 

44:56 Having an authentic, open, and genuine conversation, even if uncomfortable, isn't unkind

49:22 Dating entails the concessions you're ready to offer and those your partner commits to as well

53:32 You can multitask your pursuits. It's fine to follow your passion while staying in your current situation

57:33 Journaling creates a safe space for self-expression, free from the fear of judgment by others

01:02:02 Journaling offers the advantage of cultivating accountability through increased self-compassion

01:04:45 A breakup is a form of grief, as you've lost a shared past and the gradually constructed future with that person  

Episode Resources:

Lori Gottlieb | YouTube

Lori Gottlieb | Instagram

Lori Gottlieb | Website

Dear Therapists Podcast

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

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