Behind the scenes of the online dating world (with Tom Quisel)

Jan 5, 2022

Tom Quisel, CTO at Grindr and former CTO at OkCupid, shares insights into the online dating landscape. He discusses differences in messaging behaviors between men and women and the challenges algorithms face in promoting equitable matches. Quisel highlights how historical reproductive strategies influence partner selection and the importance of user safety perceptions. He also explores leadership dynamics, emphasizing servant leadership and the value of curiosity in management. Plus, they venture into the intriguing question of extraterrestrial life and our approach to it.

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INSIGHT

Gender Dynamics in Online Dating

Men and women behave very differently in online dating, despite the seemingly egalitarian nature of dating apps.
Men often send many more messages, while women's response rates are lower, creating a self-reinforcing cycle.

INSIGHT

KPIs for Dating Apps

Online dating services can struggle to define key performance indicators (KPIs) that reflect a healthy ecosystem.
Focusing on metrics like three-way conversations and the distribution of messages can promote better interactions.

ADVICE

Managing Message Distribution

Redirect messages from users who send low-quality, unresponded-to messages to those receiving fewer messages.
This helps distribute attention more evenly and reduce the burden on highly sought-after users.

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The Three-Body Problem

None

Cixin Liu

Cixin Liu's 'The Three-Body Problem' is a critically acclaimed science fiction novel that blends hard science with compelling storytelling. The story follows a group of scientists who make contact with an alien civilization, leading to unforeseen consequences for humanity. Liu's intricate world-building and exploration of complex scientific and philosophical themes have earned him widespread recognition. The novel is known for its ambitious scope and its exploration of the potential challenges and dangers of encountering extraterrestrial life. It's a thought-provoking work that has captivated readers worldwide.

Leadership and Self Deception

Dick Ruhe

The Arbinger Institute

Good to Great

Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't

Jim Collins

In 'Good to Great,' Jim Collins and his research team investigate why some companies achieve long-term greatness while others do not. The book identifies key concepts such as Level 5 Leadership, the Hedgehog Concept, a Culture of Discipline, and the Flywheel Effect. These principles are derived from a comprehensive study comparing companies that made the leap to greatness with those that did not. The research highlights that greatness is not primarily a function of circumstance but rather a result of conscious choice and discipline. The book provides practical insights and case studies to help businesses and leaders understand and apply these principles to achieve sustained greatness.

Work Rules!

Laszlo Bock

In 'Work Rules!', Laszlo Bock shares insights from his time as the head of People Operations at Google, revealing why Google is consistently rated one of the best places to work. The book distills 15 years of intensive worker R&D into counterintuitive principles that are easy to implement. It covers topics such as company culture, hiring practices, and management strategies, providing practical advice on how to create a high-performing and creative workplace. Bock also includes examples from various industries and challenges conventional wisdom on hiring, training, and compensating employees.

Dataclysm

Who We Are (When We Think No One's Looking)

Christian Rudder

In 'Dataclysm,' Christian Rudder delves into the world of big data to examine how people behave when they think no one is watching. Using data from OkCupid and other social media platforms, Rudder explores various aspects of human behavior, including interactions based on race, gender, and other demographic factors. The book moves away from narrative storytelling and instead uses statistical analysis and data visualization to understand human behavior on a large scale.

Read the full transcript here.

How do men and women differ in their approach to online dating? How do online dating services deal with the fact that men send many times more messages to women than women send to men? How can online dating services' recommendation algorithms avoid merely recommending the most attractive people over and over to everyone? To what extent do users of such services agree about what makes a person attractive? How do transactions and interactions on these platforms shape the way users pursue short-term and/or long-term relationships? What surprising effects emerge in aggregate as a result of these transactions? How well do people really know themselves? How well do they know what kind of relationship partners would actually make them happy? How does gay male online dating (especially on Grindr) differ from heterosexual online dating? What makes for effective management and/or leadership? Is anger a useful tool for managers? How should managers weight the importance of various hiring tools (e.g., résumés, interviews, work samples, personality tests, contract periods, etc.)? What are some tools for designing highly effective self-experiments? Is there alien life in the universe? Should we be trying to reach out to aliens?

Tom Quisel is the CTO at Grindr, where he practices servant leadership and works to build a culture that values diversity, collaboration, ownership, and quality craft. He's passionate about making a positive impact on the world and is an online dating veteran with 9 years of experience in the industry, including 2.5 years as OkCupid's CTO. He has a BS in Computer Science from Carnegie Mellon, with a background in software engineering, distributed systems, data science, and machine learning. Tom lives in Santa Barbara and loves to mountain bike, explore philosophy with friends, and pursue life-long learning.

Staff

Spencer Greenberg — Host / Director
Josh Castle — Producer
Ryan Kessler — Audio Engineer
Uri Bram — Factotum
Janaisa Baril — Transcriptionist

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