Are Relationships Supposed to Be Hard Work? (with Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT)
Jun 13, 2024
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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Elizabeth Earnshaw, discusses stress in relationships, navigating differences, building empathy, and more with hosts Erin and Sara Foster. Topics include technology use, self-reflection, skincare tips, communication, fighting styles, and prioritizing partners in healthy relationships.
Recognize and address consistent disrespectful behavior early in a relationship.
Communicate about different conflict resolution styles to navigate misunderstandings effectively.
Utilize a gentle startup approach when expressing concerns or disagreements in a relationship.
Maintain attachment security by clearly communicating needs for reassurance or space during conflicts.
Establish boundaries with family members to prioritize the partner and create a protected nucleus for the relationship.
Deep dives
Identifying Disrespectful Behavior
When evaluating a relationship, it's crucial to recognize consistent disrespectful behavior, such as shaming, undermining, or making fun of one another. Disrespect doesn't typically change and can indicate fundamental character flaws. Disrespectful actions can include one-up behavior, grandiosity, or making snide comments that demean the other person. It's essential to address and reconsider such behavior early on in a relationship.
Understanding Different Fighting Styles
In relationships, differences in fighting styles are common and can lead to misunderstandings. Individuals may have distinct approaches to conflict resolution, such as needing physical space to calm down or seeking closeness during disagreements. Communicating about these varying styles and the underlying attachment needs, like the desire for reassurance or space, can help navigate conflicts more effectively.
Navigating Disagreements Respectfully
When expressing concerns or disagreements in a relationship, using a gentle startup approach is beneficial. Instead of harshly confronting the other person, focusing on personal observations and feelings can lead to more constructive conversations. Phrases like 'I noticed' or 'I feel' can help convey your perspective without triggering defensiveness or hostility.
Building Attachment Security Through Communication
Maintaining attachment security during conflicts is vital for relationship health. Partners should communicate their needs for reassurance or space clearly, emphasizing a sense of safety and commitment. Narrating feelings and intentions, such as 'I need time to cool off, but I'll be back to talk' or 'I understand you need space, but it makes me feel like you don't care,' can foster understanding and emotional connection.
Recognizing Significant Relationship Red Flags
Significant relationship red flags include consistent disrespect, dismissiveness, or undermining behavior. Individuals should be vigilant about disrespectful patterns like shaming, one-upsmanship, or regular put-downs. Addressing these issues early on can help prevent deeper emotional harm and maintain healthy relationship dynamics.
Trust and Commitment in Relationships
In relationships, trust and commitment are essential elements for building a strong foundation. Trusting each other means making decisions even in uncertain situations and believing in oneself to handle what comes next. Commitment involves taking actions and dedicating oneself to nurture a relationship, ensuring that it thrives and grows beyond the initial phase of romance.
Setting Boundaries with Family in Relationships
Establishing boundaries with family members in a romantic relationship is crucial to prioritize the partner and create a protected nucleus for the relationship. It involves learning to share information that is fair to the partner and creating a bubble where the partner is shielded from potential negative influences or betrayals from external family members.
Determining the Right Partner
Discovering if someone is the right partner for you is a personal journey involving self-awareness and understanding your relationship preferences. While external advice and guidelines can be helpful, the ultimate decision rests on how you feel within the relationship. Trusting your instincts, feeling secure, loved, and able to be yourself are pivotal aspects in determining the suitability of a partner.
Therapy in Relationships
Couples therapy can offer valuable insights and tools for navigating relationships effectively. Engaging in therapy helps improve communication, negotiation skills, conflict resolution, and understanding each other's perspectives. Finding a qualified couples therapist who specializes in working with two or more individuals can provide significant support and guidance in building a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
This week, Erin and Sara sit down with Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the author of "I Want This To Work.” They discuss how stress impacts relationships, how to navigate differences, buidling empathy, and much more.
Executive Producers: Erin Foster, Sara Foster, and Allison Bresnick
