Dr. Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist and professor at the University of Maryland, discusses the societal undervaluation of friendship compared to romantic love. She shares the impact of technology on relationships and explores how attachment styles shape our friendships. Franco highlights the importance of vulnerability in building connections, offers strategies to overcome loneliness, and emphasizes generosity in fostering meaningful relationships. She starkly reminds us of the devastating effects of isolation and the biological need for social connection.
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insights INSIGHT
The Hierarchy of Love
Society overvalues romantic love and undervalues friendship, especially for women.
This hierarchy can harm both those in and out of romantic relationships, contributing to loneliness.
insights INSIGHT
Technology's Impact on Connection
Technology, starting with television, has contributed to a decline in social connection.
This "displacement theory" suggests technology displaces in-person interaction, leading to increased loneliness.
insights INSIGHT
The Toxicity of Loneliness
Loneliness is a toxic state that negatively impacts mental and physical health.
It creates a chronic stress state, leading to distrust, negativity, and reduced compassion.
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How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends
Marisa G. Franco
In 'Platonic', Dr. Marisa G. Franco explores the latest findings on the bonds between people, debunking myths such as the idea that friendships happen organically. She emphasizes the importance of understanding one's attachment style—secure, anxious, or avoidant—to improve and deepen friendships. The book provides a practical and research-based blueprint for forging strong, lasting connections and becoming happier and more fulfilled selves.
New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.
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Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed? One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if they only knew how.
Our guest today, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, has written a bestselling book about how understanding your own psychological makeup and attachment style can help you make and keep friends. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland. Her book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends.
This is episode three of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair.
In this episode we talk about:
Why friendship is undervalued in our society (while romantic love is overvalued) and why this is damaging on both a societal and individual level
The impact of technology on our relationships as explained by something called “displacement theory”
The biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological and psychological impacts of loneliness
Attachment style and its relationship to our friendships
What you can do to make friends, including being open or vulnerable (without oversharing)
How to reframe social rejection
The importance of generosity
How to handle conflict with your friends
The difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety in your friendships
When to walk away from a relationship
How to make friends across racial, gender, and socioeconomic lines
How to deal with social anxiety
And how our evolutionarily wired negativity bias can impact the process of making friends
10% Happier with Dan Harris 
