The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

Intimacy From The Inside Out with John Palmer

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Jan 24, 2025

John Palmer, a certified IFS practitioner and seasoned couples therapist, dives deep into the dynamics of intimate relationships. He highlights how the Intimacy From The Inside Out (IFIO) approach fosters self-awareness and communication. The discussion covers the importance of differentiation during conflicts and how past experiences shape present interactions. Palmer explains tracking sequences in relationships to identify protective cycles and emphasizes the transformative power of Self-Led communication in healing and growth.

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INSIGHT

IFIO Definition

IFIO is therapy for intimate partnerships, primarily based on the IFS model.
It incorporates psychodynamic systems thinking and neuroscience.

INSIGHT

Internal and External Systems

IFIO uses the IFS model to explore both internal and external systems in relationships.
Each partner is responsible for their own parts and ideally interacts from a self-led place.

INSIGHT

Differentiation in Relationships

Differentiation in relationships involves managing one's own dysregulation to stay connected with the partner.
It also means defining oneself while letting the partner be themselves, even during conflict.

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On today’s episode I’m joined by John Palmer, a certified IFS practitioner and lead trainer in Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO). John brings 30 years of experience working with individuals and couples to explore how IFIO applies the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS) to intimate relationships.

We discuss relational dynamics, including the concept of tracking sequences, differentiation, and how past experiences influence present connections.

Key Takeaways:

IFIO uses IFS principles to help individuals and partners explore relational dynamics and improve communication.
Differentiation is the ability to stay connected to your own system while maintaining connection with your partner, even during conflict.
How protectors and exiles show up in relational dances
The importance of taking responsibility for one’s own parts in a relationship while remaining open to connection with a partner
How practicing Self-Led communication can transform conflict into opportunities for healing and growth.
How do past experiences shape the way we respond to our partners in the present?
Tracking sequences in relationships reveals the protective cycles that keep partners stuck and highlights the underlying vulnerabilities driving conflict.

Favorite Quote: "There's actually some vulnerability under there that's driving this dance. And if we can learn how to help the protectors trust enough of Self to let that vulnerability emerge and be looked at and healed, then the protectors don't have to do what they do anymore." – John Palmer

About John Palmer: John Palmer is a certified IFS practitioner, IFIO lead trainer, and couples therapist with three decades of experience. He integrates IFS with systemic relational approaches to help individuals and partners build stronger, more compassionate connections.

Episode Sponsor: IFS Institute

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Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is a writer, counselor, and IFS Level 1 practitioner.

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start.

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.

If you are interested in sponsoring an episode or two of The One Inside Podcast please contact Tammy at tammysollenberger@comcast.net