Negotiate Anything Frenemies at Work: The Hidden Threat You’re Ignoring
18 snips
Jun 4, 2025 
In this conversation, Tessa West, an NYU psychology professor and author renowned for studying workplace dynamics, discusses the subtle danger of frenemies in professional settings. She reveals how these seemingly friendly colleagues can undermine your confidence and career. Tessa emphasizes the importance of consistency over kindness and shares behavioral cues to watch for discomfort and distrust. Listeners learn how to collect data on workplace relationships and address the challenges posed by 'nice' colleagues who may actually be obstacles.
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Mismatch Causes Discomfort
- Discomfort in conversations arises from mismatched verbal and nonverbal signals and physiological stress.
- Genuine alignment of signals, even if negative, fosters more trust than inconsistent niceness and awkwardness.
Consistency Beats Intermittent Reinforcement
- Consistency in behavior, communication channels, and over time reduces relational discomfort.
- Intermittent reinforcement, unpredictably alternating kindness and coldness, keeps people tethered longer to toxic work relationships.
Work Relationships as Addiction
- Toxic work relationships can act like gambling addictions through unpredictable positive reinforcement.
- Humans create false narratives to explain these unpredictable behaviors, obscuring the real pattern.
