183: The Real Reason You Compare Yourself (and How to Heal It)

Nov 6, 2025

Comparison often sneaks into our lives, revealing deep longings for connection and belonging. Dr. Alison highlights how it can signal our inner desires rather than just being a negative impulse. She discusses healthy versus harmful comparisons and how they can inspire gratitude or breed envy. A three-step practice is introduced to help reframe comparisons and recognize spiritual growth opportunities. Ultimately, it's about understanding our unique journeys and trusting in the timing of our stories.

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INSIGHT

Comparison Is A Natural Calibration

Comparison is wired into us as social calibration, not a moral failure.
It helps our nervous system gauge belonging and find our place in groups.

INSIGHT

Watch The Fruit Comparison Bears

Comparison becomes harmful when it shifts from calibration to condemnation.
The fruit it bears (envy, despair, pride) reveals whether it's helping or harming your soul.

INSIGHT

Upward Vs. Downward Comparison

There are two kinds of comparison: upward and downward, each with different effects.
Both can be healthy or unhealthy depending on whether they inspire gratitude/empathy or feed envy/pride.

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It can happen so fast - you feel grateful one moment, and five minutes on Instagram later you’re suddenly feeling small or behind. But what if comparison isn’t the problem itself, but a messenger?

Dr. Alison explores how comparison, when we pause to listen, can actually reveal our deepest longings and lead us back to connection with God, with others, and with ourselves. She explains why comparison is wired into us, what it’s trying to show us, and how to shift from competition to curiosity and compassion.

This conversation invites you to slow down, notice what stirs inside you when comparison shows up, and remember: your story is unfolding at its own sacred pace.

In this episode, we cover:

Why comparison isn’t always toxic, and what it’s really telling you
How to move from calibration to condemnation (and back again)
The two types of comparison
A simple three-step practice to use when you find yourself comparing

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Other episodes you might like :

Episode 37: The Problem with Toxic Thinking

Episode 140: If You Struggle with Guilt and Second-Guessing Yourself, This Will Set You Free

📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here

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