Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships
457 - Creating Lasting Sexual Connections with Emily Nagoski
Jan 30, 2024
Today, the podcast welcomes back Emily Nagoski, author of bestselling books Come As You Are and Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, to discuss her newest book on creating lasting sexual connections. Topics include redefining desire in relationships, prioritizing pleasure, sustaining a strong sexual connection, complexities of polyamorous relationships, staying attuned and honest, bridging sexual differences, creating a sex-positive environment, and gender dynamics in heterosexual relationships.
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Quick takeaways
- In a long-term relationship, the sexual connection evolves from exploring each other's individual gardens to cultivating a shared garden by bringing over favorite aspects from each person's garden and ensuring compatibility.
- The focus on 'keeping the spark alive' in a long-term relationship is irrelevant and amorphous, as sustainable connection lies in responsive desire that emerges in response to pleasure and allows for a deeper connection.
Deep dives
Creating a Shared Garden of Sexual Connection
In a long-term relationship, the sexual connection evolves from exploring each other's individual gardens to cultivating a shared garden. This entails bringing over favorite aspects from each person's garden and ensuring compatibility. Neglect and weeds can occur in the garden over time, but it can always be revisited and untangled. The focus is on what both partners love and want to have in this shared space.
