Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships 457 - Creating Lasting Sexual Connections with Emily Nagoski
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Jan 30, 2024 
Today, the podcast welcomes back Emily Nagoski, author of bestselling books Come As You Are and Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, to discuss her newest book on creating lasting sexual connections. Topics include redefining desire in relationships, prioritizing pleasure, sustaining a strong sexual connection, complexities of polyamorous relationships, staying attuned and honest, bridging sexual differences, creating a sex-positive environment, and gender dynamics in heterosexual relationships.
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Prioritize Pleasure, Not Spark
- Focus on enjoying sex you like, not on keeping a "spark" alive.
- Spontaneous desire is great, but responsive desire is also normal and healthy.
Avoid Rallying for Unwanted Sex
- Don't "rally" for sex you dislike; it reinforces negative associations.
- If you anticipate enjoying sex eventually, there are ways to "get there".
The Party Metaphor for Sex
- Emily Nagoski learned the "going to a party" metaphor for sex from therapist Christine Hyde.
- This metaphor illustrates the effort of getting "in the mood" vs. the enjoyment once there.