Derek Scott, famous for his IFS YouTube channel, discusses parenting using IFS therapy. Topics include exiles, shame, power dynamics, grief, and healing suicidal parts. The conversation feels like friends chatting, with insights on dynamic teaching methods and the roles of firefighters in healing.
Understanding how past exiles impact parenting styles and dynamics.
Recognizing and accepting various parts of oneself to avoid projecting onto children.
Promoting individual authenticity and supporting children's unique paths and growth.
Deep dives
Parenting Dynamics and Experiences Discussed
The podcast episode delves into the topic of parenting dynamics and shared experiences between the host, Tammy Sullenberger, and guest, Derek Scott. The main focus revolves around understanding how exiles from their past affect their parenting styles. They discuss facing shame and dealing with power dynamics in repair and apologies within the context of raising children. Loss and grief associated with children growing up are explored, emphasizing the evolving nature of parenting and personal reflections on becoming parents.
The Theme of Self-Exploration and Emotional Processing
An essential aspect highlighted in the podcast involves self-exploration and processing emotions. The conversation between Tammy and Derek uncovers the significance of recognizing and embracing various parts of oneself, such as shamed or sensitive aspects, to avoid projecting these onto one's children. They emphasize the importance of understanding and accepting sensitive or shy tendencies in children without imposing past judgments or expectations.
Promoting Individual Authenticity and Positive Evolution
The episode promotes the idea of honoring individual authenticity and fostering personal growth. Both hosts discuss the value of allowing children to manifest their true selves authentically, viewing them as unique expressions contributing to humanity. By welcoming and nurturing each child's individual form and gifts, the hosts advocate for a parental approach that respects and supports the evolutionary journey of each soul, promoting diversity and richness in human experiences.
Parenting and Respect for Choices
The podcast delves into the complexities of parenting and respecting children's choices. It highlights the importance of creating a safe environment while allowing children to follow their unique paths. The speaker discusses making practical decisions like unsupervised sleepovers for a 16-year-old and navigating the balance between parental responsibility and respecting a teenager's independence.
Personal Journeys and Life Paths
The podcast host shares personal experiences and reflections on life paths and choices. From the speaker's background in AIDS work to considerations on parenting and relationships, the episode explores diverse life journeys. The host discusses the decision to become a parent through co-parenting, reflecting on the significant impact of choices and following unexpected paths in life.
Today’s guest is Derek Scott... that is right! Derek of the famous IFS YouTube channel.
He and I act like we aren’t being recorded and won't have people listening to us chat away.
We talk about all the IFS things but parenting is the main thread which runs through from beginning to end.
We talk about our own exiles who affect our parenting and about those shaming firefighters who were around our own parents and now show up around us while we parent. Oh my.
Derek teaches the dynamic between power and apology and repair. We cry a bit about the grief of parenting as our children grow up and move through life transitions.
We discuss our own experiences with becoming parents which includes a bit of my own infertility journey. Derek wonders about a figure who is involved being a passenger, not a part.
Derek gives an example of how he teaches IFS using psychodrama. This opens up a conversation about firefighters and their important role.
He walks through how he helps heal suicidal parts.
Derek is warm and funny. This episode is packed full of information while at the same time being just a conversation between friends.
Enjoy!
*If you want more of Derek, and you will, my friends over at the IFS Talks podcast have had him on twice lately -- go check them out wherever you listen to podcasts.