When looking for love, the speaker initially chased after a guy who was not a good fit for her. She realized that she was too focused on getting him to want her, even though he was not very nice. Seeking help from a dating coach, she identified what she truly wanted in a partner and how she wanted to feel. Comparing her feelings with the guy from Burning Man and a guy from work, she realized that the guy from work had all the qualities she desired. She took the initiative to let him know she was interested, and they eventually developed a relationship that has lasted for eight years. The speaker highlights the importance of focusing on how someone makes you feel rather than adhering to preconceived notions or societal expectations. Despite initially swiping left on her now-husband on Tinder, he turned out to be the person who made her feel happier than anyone else she had been with.
How the hell do grown ups date and make friends? Behavioral scientist turned dating coach, Logan Ury is here to help us make dating and meeting new friends easier: how to identify what you really want; why we should stop searching for “the spark”; why we keep going after the same people that are wrong for us; how to talk to our kids about their first love experiences; why we need to have “other significant others”; and the eight questions you should ask yourself after meeting anyone new.
About Logan:
Logan Ury is a behavioral scientist turned dating coach and the author of the bestselling dating book How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love. She works as Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science, conducting research on modern dating. She runs an online community through her weekly newsletter — Logan's Love Letter. She studied psychology at Harvard and ran Google’s behavioral science team, the Irrational Lab. She lives in the Bay Area with her husband Scott.
TW: @loganury
IG: @loganury
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