Friendship in adulthood should not be expected to happen organically like it did in childhood. To make friends, repeated unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability are important. This can happen through work or other activities where people spend time together over a period of time and have their guard down. It is crucial to understand that friendship in adulthood requires effort and intentionality. People who believe that friendship should happen without effort tend to feel more lonely over time, while those who recognize the need for effort are less lonely and more likely to make that effort. Therefore, one should actively participate in places of worship, hobbies, or interest groups to increase the chances of finding friends.
It's a mistake to prioritize romantic and familial relationships over friendship, argues psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco. Strong, supportive friendships expand our sense of self, she says, and are associated with greater well-being and health. Marisa offers research-based strategies to make new friends and deepen our existing friendships, including helpful concepts like mutuality and the mere-exposure effect. Marisa and Maya also discuss how to stay friends through big life changes, why fighting could make your friendship stronger, and how to break up with a friend with clarity and kindness.
For more on Marisa's work, check out her book, “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends."
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.