The Importance of Choosing to Give Attention

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Choosing to give attention is a conscious decision that can greatly impact our relationships. In deep listening, the longer the relationship, the less conscious we are of our attention in the moment. We tend to rely on assumptions and mental shortcuts, which can lead to jumping ahead or interrupting the speaker. While these shortcuts can be helpful in certain situations, it is crucial to actively choose to give attention, especially to our closest relationships. Just like our cell phones, we all have listening batteries that can be drained throughout the day. It is important to be aware of our energy levels and recharge our batteries when necessary before engaging in important conversations. By taking the time to recharge and reset our listening batteries, we can be fully present for meaningful conversations and avoid frustration or misunderstanding. Communicating our need to recharge and using rituals such as listening to specific songs can help signal to others that it may not be an ideal time for certain conversations.

Oscar Trimboli: How to Listen Oscar Trimboli is an author, host of the Apple award-winning podcast Deep Listening and a sought-after keynote speaker. He is passionate about using the gift of listening to bring positive change in homes, workplaces, and cultures around the world. Through his work with chairs, boards of directors, and executive teams, Oscar has experienced firsthand the transformational impact leaders and organizations can have when they listen beyond the words. Oscar is a marketing and technology industry veteran with over 30 years experience across general management, sales, marketing, and operations for Microsoft, PeopleSoft, Polycom, Professional Advantage, and Vodafone. He is the author of the book, Deep Listening and now, his newest book, How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication*. In this conversation, Oscar and I explore several of the assumptions that tend to get in our way of listening well. Oscar highlights distinctions that will be useful mindsets for you in showing up better in future conversations. Plus, we discuss how listing goes far beyond simply asking questions. Key Points Before we begin listening, it is helpful to tune…much like as orchestra. We can’t always give our full attention, but we can make the choice as to whether we are paying attention or giving attention. As much as we intend otherwise, sometimes we listen less well in our closest relationships. Aim to be curious instead of drawing conclusions. Asking questions does not necessarily mean you are listening well. Aimless and arbitrary questions are everywhere. Resources Mentioned How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication* by Oscar Trimboli Interview Notes Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes The Way to Be More Coach-Like, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 458) Four Habits That Derail Listening, with Oscar Trimboli (episode 500) How to Genuinely Show Up for Others, with Marshall Goldsmith (episode 590) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.