If you're asking questions, are you actually listening?

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We often don't listen to what's not being said, as we are too focused on the next question. Many of us assume that if we're asking questions, we're listening. However, asking aimless and arbitrary questions wastes the speaker's time and diminishes the relationship. In complex dialogues, shorter questions tend to be more expansive. The listener's job is not to make sense of what the speaker is saying, but to help them process their thoughts. Keeping track of the length of our questions can help us improve our listening skills.

Oscar Trimboli: How to Listen Oscar Trimboli is an author, host of the Apple award-winning podcast Deep Listening and a sought-after keynote speaker. He is passionate about using the gift of listening to bring positive change in homes, workplaces, and cultures around the world. Through his work with chairs, boards of directors, and executive teams, Oscar has experienced firsthand the transformational impact leaders and organizations can have when they listen beyond the words. Oscar is a marketing and technology industry veteran with over 30 years experience across general management, sales, marketing, and operations for Microsoft, PeopleSoft, Polycom, Professional Advantage, and Vodafone. He is the author of the book, Deep Listening and now, his newest book, How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication*. In this conversation, Oscar and I explore several of the assumptions that tend to get in our way of listening well. Oscar highlights distinctions that will be useful mindsets for you in showing up better in future conversations. Plus, we discuss how listing goes far beyond simply asking questions. Key Points Before we begin listening, it is helpful to tune…much like as orchestra. We can’t always give our full attention, but we can make the choice as to whether we are paying attention or giving attention. As much as we intend otherwise, sometimes we listen less well in our closest relationships. Aim to be curious instead of drawing conclusions. Asking questions does not necessarily mean you are listening well. Aimless and arbitrary questions are everywhere. Resources Mentioned How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication* by Oscar Trimboli Interview Notes Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes The Way to Be More Coach-Like, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 458) Four Habits That Derail Listening, with Oscar Trimboli (episode 500) How to Genuinely Show Up for Others, with Marshall Goldsmith (episode 590) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.